This is most certainly a time to have a party. You have chosen to end your marriage and begin a new single lifestyle to improve your individual lives. While you and your spouse have undoubtedly suffered with the pains of a failing marriage, you have both made a courageous step into the unknown. Let's party!
You've been single before, but now you have more life experiences, perhaps more children & responsibilities that can make this uncharted territory. You can wander into it sad, broken and stressed or you can put your problems on hold and have a party.
Don't worry, your sadness will be there if you want it afterwards. But hopefully, by the time you planned, prepared and had your party, life will seem a little less sad and a lot more hopeful.
Regardless, you need some closure in order to let go and accept a brighter future. Isn't that what all of this is about...the opportunity to have a better life by letting go of what currently prevents that?
Focus on your decision to pursue personal happiness as a positive choice in your life. Why not celebrate it? Unless you want the divorce to be about the problems and mistakes of the past, make it about the courage to choose a difficult journey towards a better future for you and your family.
Here's how it can help
Focus on something positive from the divorce
Focusing on the party can take your mind off of the seriousness of the divorce. Negotiating, attorneys, legal fees, moving, changes in income can all be a real buzzkill. It's time to look towards the future with anticipation for a better life. That's what you seek. That's what we all seek in a divorce. Instead, many of us see the divorce as a mark of failure that we eventually move past. Make it about courage to say, "Our life should be better, and we are committed to making it better for ourselves and the people we love."
It can provide a great way to announce your new single status
It can be somewhat awkward after you haven't dated in many years to reach out to friends and acquaintances as a new single adult. This party makes it easy and effortless. Social media is a great way to announce your new status and party to celebrate.
It puts you back in touch with friends and distant family members to spark your new social endeavors
Most of us get so focused on marriage, home, family and career we aren't as engaged in social events as we would like. It can lead to social anxiety which may cause reclusive behavior after our divorce. This party jump starts your new social life right away!
New friendship with spouse
In many cases it may be best not to have a mutual party as you both are about to open the door to life without one another. If you would have a better time at your party without your soon-to-be ex, know that you would join the majority of divorcees in handling the added pressure of such an event. Just do what would benefit your closure and opportunity to move forward as a singleton.
However, if you and your spouse celebrate together you can start the beginning of a new friendship. It also tells friends and family that you two are still the same people who can keep mutual friends, just not as a married couple.
Just don't stress too much if you choose a mutual party. One person may be better to do most of the planning while the other do most of the set-up and/or funding. Discuss the duties well in advance and put your agreement of responsibilities in an e-mail. It doesn't need to be a grand event, maybe a pool party or bar-be-que. It's a way you both can have some mutual cooperation on a positive experience during a stressful time in both your lives.
Good for your family spirit
If the party is for friends and family of all ages, it can be good for your kids also. It shows them both parents are committed to making the family happier instead of maintaining a sad existence as a family together, but with mom and dad emotionally divorced.
It shows them life is full of hard choices and difficult sacrifice to attain the best life possible, but such courage to make those choices should be celebrated, not mourned. Seeing mom and dad cooperating during a time when things are so difficult can be a great example of a better outcome the divorce can provide. If you party together, it's absolutely imperative you both get along. Otherwise, it totally negates the entire point.
If you choose not to party together, it still provides an opportunity for you and your family and friends to forget about all the tough stuff going on and just have fun. You don't need it to be a "divorce party" per se', it can just be an informal gathering to keep family spirits high.
A party can fund your divorce.
Having a party with a cash bar, cover charge for entertainment or food sales can raise money for your attorney's fees and new housing for one spouse. You could also have a wedding reception-like party, anticipating gifts. People celebrate weddings all of time. You can send wedding style divorce invitations, listing cash gifts appreciated, but not expected (risky if in it for profit) OR cash or registry gifts appreciated (registering at local wedding registries to help with setting up one or both new households)
Hoping for cash gifts can be a little risky, but there are many ideas that can make the party a financial money maker. There are many ways to make a social gathering a great way to celebrate you and your soon-to-be-ex's quest for happiness.
Emphasize the importance this party has on bringing your family together despite differences. If you feel you would have a better response without emphasis on the divorce, focus on a housewarming party or some other theme. If the goal is to make some extra cash for the divorce expenses, then the theme can be anything. Review our 2020 DMK article Fund Your Divorce for some easy party tips!
Read our next three articles on your Divorce Party and get information on ordering Divorce Party Kits (starting in November 2020).
Plan Your Party with DMK "Everything You Need for One Big Bash"
1-2-3 DMK Divorce Party Planner
Fund Your Divorce with a Divorce Party
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