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Separation
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It's never easy to decide if you and your spouse should separate.  But, every year thousands of couples choose to separate to save their marriage, determine if their marriage can be saved or prepare for divorce. 


Take the Separation Essentials Test 

DMK Marriage Workshop and Divorce Workshop have specific tests that are designed to help you at any stage of marital problems.  If you have already taken the DMK Marriage Essentials test and you and your spouse are considering a separation, the DMK Separation Essentials test can help you prepare.

Instructions:

The rating is between 1 - 10 (10 being the best) and is based on your current preparedness of the essential needs to proceed with separation. Use the table below and refer to the potential rating of each separation essential and the overall points for the test. This test generally helps a couple decide if they should proceed to separate.  It should be completed together.  However, the scores can be totaled for the individual, couple or both. 

If completing the test alone, regard each question based on your action regarding the separation essential instead of action taken as a couple (e.g. "Couple has [you have] taken the Marriage Essentials Test") and score the test as an individual only. 

Table 1. Separation Essentials Test

DMK Separation Essentials Wife's Rating Husband's Rating Combined Rating
Couple has taken the Marriage Essentials test 0-10 (10) 0-10 (10) 0-20 (20)
Couple has worked to resolve specific problem areas as noted on the Marriage Essentials test 0-10 (20) 0-10 (20) 0-20 (40)
Couple has attended or has set appointments for marriage counseling if considering a reconciliation in the future or has considered and declined counseling if separating to divorce 0-10 (30) 0-10 (30) 0-20 (60)
Couple has met applicable Emotional Divorce Essentials 0-10 (40) 0-10 (40) 0-20 (80)
Couple agrees on the reason for separation being for the purpose of divorce, possible reconciling or to be determined following a set time. 0-10 (50) 0-10 (50) 0-20 (100)
Each spouse has emotional management protocols in place to include: activities, peer support, counseling, etc. 0-10 (60) 0-10 (60) 0-20 (120)
The couple understands state laws and has consulted with one or more local attorneys. 0-10 (70) 0-10 (70) 0-20 (140)
Both spouses are aware of the laws regarding separation and divorce and know the separation waiting period, if any, before a divorce can take place. 0-10 (80) 0-10 (80) 0-20 (160)
Both spouses have negotiated separation terms and temporary custody, if applicable, or contacted an attorney to represent them to negotiate a separation agreement on their behalf.  Both spouses know a custody hearing may be necessary. 0-10 (90) 0-10 (90) 0-20 (180)
Both spouses have recorded all personal property and the leaving spouse plans to take all personal property he/she has negotiated to keep in the event of a divorce. The leaving spouse assumes he/she won't be reentering the home again and should remove all his/her negotiated property at the time of separation. 0-10 (100) 0-10 (100) 0-20 (200)
Both spouses have prepared a file with all necessary documents as noted in the Divorce Essentials "Important Documents Assembled...".  Both A and B 0-10 (110) 0-10 (110) 0-20 (220)
Couple has considered the entirety of the DMK Divorce Essentials to understand all facets of divorce that would occur based on the decision to separate and/or divorce. 0-10 (120) 0-10 (120) 0-20 (240)
The couple has acknowledged or taken action on all Separation Essentials on this test. 0-10 (130) 0-10 (130) 0-20 (260)
Total Scores 130 Possible 130 Possible 260 Possible

Grading Your Readiness for a Separation 

1. The Separation Grading System 

Your total Separation Essentials test scores are useful to determine if you are ready to proceed with separation.

Separation Score Total Points Together Total Individual Points Separation Readiness
Excellent 90% - 100% 234 - 260 points 117 - 130 points Acknowledgement and/or action has been taken to proceed and the couple understands the importance of each separation essential need to incur the least emotional and financial resolution.
Good 80% - 89% 208 - 233 points 116 - 104 points The couple has begun to take action and/or acknowledge the essential needs but more attention is needed to proceed.  This score indicates the couple is ready to initiate a separation but may not be completely prepared.  To achieve the best outcome, the couple should take action on the essential needs with low scores.
Fair 70% - 79% 182 - 207 points 91 - 103 points The couple recognizes what is needed as part of the separation process but many essential needs require immediate attention to proceed with separation. This score indicates there are marriage problems but minimal action to solve the problems has occurred. Maintaining this level of commitment to solve the problems for long periods of time can damage both spouses and members of the household. Serious action should be considered.
Poor 60% - 69% 156 - 181 points 78 - 90 points Each spouse should take the the time to further research information relevant to the separation essentials to realize why they're important and the steps needed to acknowledge and/or take action to complete each one. This score indicates there are marriage problems but minimal action to solve the problems has occurred. This can be damaging to each spouse and others in the household. Serious action required.
Fail <60% 155 points or less 77 points or less Both spouses need to consider if a separation will benefit them.  They are currently neglecting the necessary steps to proceed.  Research, acknowledgement/and or action is needed immediately. This score indicates marriage problems with insignificant actions to solve them. This is damaging to each spouse and other members of the household. Decisions need to be made to determine the course of action. Use this test and the DMK Marriage Essentials or DMK Divorce Essentials as a basis to start. Serious action required.

2. The Separation "Essential" Grading System (together)

How to grade your readiness on individual separation essentials

The score for each essential need should also be determined to pinpoint areas that need attention.

  1. Maximum points on each essential need is 20
  2. Add your points together and divide by 20 to score on each essential or use the chart below
  3. Example: Legal Representation - Wife 0, Husband 10 (0+10=10 divide by 20= 50%)
  4. Skip this section and proceed to Section #3 if you only completed the test as an individual  
Separation Essential Score Total Points Together Separation Essential Readiness
Excellent 90% - 100% 18 - 20 points Acknowledgement and/or action has been taken to conclude both spouses understand the importance of this essential and are ready to proceed.
Good 80% - 89% 16 - 17 points Both spouses have begun to take action and/or acknowledge this essential but more attention is needed to proceed.
Fair 70% - 79% 14 - 15 points This essential need is recognized by one or both spouses as an important part of the separation process but it requires immediate attention. 
Poor 60% - 69% 12 - 13 points Take the time to further research information relevant to this essential need to realize why it is important and the steps needed to acknowledge and/or take action to complete it.
Fail <60% 11 points or less Immediate attention to this essential need is recommended unless it is not relevant to the couple's situation.  If it is, immediately research, acknowledge and/or take action to complete it.

3. The Separation "Essential" Grading System (individually)

How to grade each spouse on individual essentials

The score for each essential need will help you pinpoint areas that need attention.

    1. Maximum points for each essential need is 10
    2. Divide your individual points by 10 to get your score for each individual essential or use the chart below
    3. Example: Legal Representation - Wife 0=0%, Husband 10=100%
Separation Essential Score Total Individual Points Separation Essential Readiness
Excellent 90% - 100% 9 - 10 points Acknowledgement and/or action has been taken to conclude one or both spouses understand the importance of this essential and are ready to proceed.
Good 80% - 89% 8 points One or both spouses have begun to take action and/or acknowledge this essential but more attention is needed to proceed.
Fair 70% - 79% 7 points This essential need is recognized as an important part of the separation process but it requires immediate attention.  
Poor 60% - 69% 6 points Take the time to further research information relevant to this essential need to realize why it's important and the steps needed to acknowledge and/or take action to complete it.
Fail <60% 5 points or less Immediate attention to this essential need is recommended unless it is not relevant to the couple's situation.  If it is, immediately research, acknowledge and/or take action to complete it.

Utilize our other tests to make each step easier in the process of saving or ending your marriage.

Marriage Problems

Click here


Preparing to Divorce

Click here



Read another article in our DMK Divorce Workshop

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