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Marriage Workshop Advice Column
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Dear Honey Wexler,

My wife and I have both retained attorneys to begin the process of our divorce.  We are currently in the process of separating but I have not yet located a place to move.  We discussed discontinuing the use of our mutual credit cards that were all attained during our marriage.  In assembling the information about our finances, I called the credit card companies to get our current balances.  I found that my wife had taken a very large cash advance on one of the cards months ago, but before we decided to divorce.  When I confronted her she indicated it was for a cosmetic procedure we discussed.  While we had discussed both getting the procedure at one time, I don't feel she actually paid the amount of the advance.  I have contacted the medical office, but they will not provide the invoice to me.  She too will not give me the invoice and says it had nothing to do with the divorce, but it was just bad timing.  Part of me believes her and part of me thinks it's too much of a coincidence.  The amount was for over $10,000.  What can I do?

LB


LB,

Divorce can make everyone a little more cautious and opportunistic spouses a lot more opportunistic.  So, it's reasonable that you would suspect your spouse is not being entirely honest with you.  If she had nothing to hide, the invoice shouldn't be a problem to produce.  But, failing to give a soon-to-be-ex an invoice from months ago could also be a matter of principal.  I am not an attorney, so I can't give you legal advice.  But, it may be a good idea to appeal to your wife to deduct the debt from her share of money from the settlement since it was obviously her recent procedure for which you had no benefit.  Sometimes it helps to appeal on the basis of reason instead of legal negotiations.  That being said, it's possible she will continue to evade your request.  Regardless if the money was for a procedure or if she pocketed some of it, you may have to consider her actions as a reminder why you are seeking a divorce, close the remaining credit cards and speak with your attorney about any legal recourse possible.  Be ready to accept that sometimes things happen that can not be changed.  No advice in the world is going to make you feel better about it.  You will just need to live, learn and deal with it as well as can be expected.

-OurDMK.com

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