Okay, so these keys will not unlock that door to your dream mansion, a new Ferrari or that skincare mini fridge you always wanted (even though most of us only heard of such a thing this year).
Our gift is so much better than any of these!
A gift of 'Keys to Your Happiness'
There is no greater gift we can give you, our readers, than the keys to your happiness. Despite any negative forces in your lives, the power to achieve and maintain personal happiness increases your potential to live a life everyone aspires to live.
Ongoing happiness provides you the power to feel good about yourself and life regardless of your holiday circumstances, current life situation or lack of Ferraris in your driveway. It supports high self-esteem, decisiveness, determination and the motivation needed for personal success. Happiness is the foundation to a better life (and perhaps a step towards owning a Ferrari-like car in years to come)! 
And just think, it will all have started here, today with our 3 keys meant to unlock your happiness and lock out the negative infiltrates that destroy your optimism.
These keys will help you understand and control your emotions, become the primary manager of your life and maintain a positive outlook. All of these actions result in more personal happiness and life satisfaction!
Key #1 Understand and manage your feelings
You don't need to be a psychotherapist to understand yourself or your feelings. You know when you're sad, happy, motivated or hopeless. You can often attribute such feelings to certain events or occurrences in your life.
Medical reasons for low mood
When negative emotions, actions or other symptoms of low or anxious mood occur that are unremittent and/or not wholly attributed to specific circumstances, a physician may suggest you have a biological component to your negative feelings leading to medical diagnosis (e.g., clinical depression or anxiety disorder such as PTSD). It's also possible a clinical diagnosis may be found following certain events in your life that have brought about or intensified symptoms of anxiety and/or depression.
Some common symptoms of clinical depression (also known as Major Depressive Disorder or MDD) are as follows:
- sadness, anxiety, hopelessness or guilt
- loss of interest in activities you formerly enjoyed
- low energy and problems with sleep (sleep too much or difficulty falling and staying asleep or waking up)
- difficulty concentrating
- sexual dysfunction
- low or increased appetite
- restlessness, frequent outbursts or frustration
- increased crying
- persistent pain (to include headaches), indigestion and/or intestinal upset that is not responding to other treatment
- thoughts of death, harming yourself or suicide
Medical conditions can be treated with medication and should be evaluated, diagnosed and managed only by a licensed physician.
Medication won't fix everyday problems
While it is common during marital strife, separating or divorce to suffer from one or medical conditions that affect your emotions, the simple fact is that many of you with a diagnosis of these conditions also have a great deal of ongoing, daily stressors and problems associated with your current relationship, family and household. This is why medication may not be enough to combat negative feelings.
Talk therapy
Psychotherapy or counseling is extremely beneficial and often recommended as a part of your treatment plan, especially when problematic circumstances continue throughout the course of your treatment.
Fight for your happiness
Simple tactics to manage issues and problems regardless of current medical conditions are helpful to everyone at all stages of life, love and loss.
In other words, don't accept the victim status of a medical diagnosis as a reason to remain in a funk, failing to fix the external factors in your life that bring you down. When such factors are overwhelming (with or without medication), good coping mechanisms will provide a bridge over your turbulent emotions until you reach an improved life destination.
Lack of medical diagnosis does not provide reason to stay miserable
Those of you who do not have medical reasons should not allow issues responsible for negative feelings to keep you down and consume valuable time that could be spent joyously with friends and family.
Just because a doctor does not have a medical explanation for why you feel bad, it doesn't mean action is unnecessary. You can never get the time back that you waste allowing your current problems to keep you from all that makes you happy. You have to fight for life satisfaction and personal happiness!
Who else is more responsible for your happiness than you? This brings us to discover the next key!
Key #2 Own your life by being fully accountable for your happiness
Push button society
Unfortunately, we live in a society where innovation, technology and science provide us a sense that a prescription, button or smart device are the answers to solving our problems and satisfy our needs and desires.
Our weighty reliance on medical professionals, drug manufacturers, regulatory bodies & managed healthcare to produce blanket assurances, plans and offerings for our wellness rather than utilizing our independent resourcefulness diminishes both our individual prepotency and accountability to maintain and better our health, wellness and lives. This generally makes us weaker as individuals and a society.
It's furthered by our interdependency through a flawed social dynamic whereas biased media, social platforms & influencers have greater impact on our decision making than our true ideals, education, spiritual beliefs or plain olé common sense.
The greater control this dynamic has on our society, the more each of us digress as individuals capable of managing his/her life without social, medical and government assurances.
Some things don't happen for a reason we can accept, and some things don't have a resolution we like
Our individual and social fallback affects our reasoning skills when managing the problems in our lives. We begin to expect every gray dilemma to produce a black and white solution.
It furthers our inability to accept what we do not have the power to change, recognize and take action solving the problems for which we do and acknowledge circumstances or events where there is no clear right or wrong answer, definitive solution or blame to be found.
e.g., While divorce may be the best solution for a doomed marriage, it's not necessarily the only option and definitely no guarantee that the result will be as the couple expects. Sometimes, there is no right answer when things go bad, but there is the best answer and the result of which may still be plagued with disappointment.
You're the manager of your life, everyone and everything else is only employed to help you
When faced with problems we have the power to solve, our reliance on social norms, medical explanations and sense of need rather than sense of challenge leads to our individual lack of imagination and fortitude to succeed utilizing creative problem-solving skills.
This doesn't mean medication, therapy, social media or our favorite series on Amazon Prime® are bad for us. These are part of our society and our individual lives. Scientific, technological and social advancements will continue to evolve exponentially over the coming years. And consumer demand will be a driving force of that evolution.
Regulatory boards, government, drug and insurance companies are for our protection & benefit when relied upon proportionately. Such a benefit increases when we become greater vested in successfully managing our individual health & well-being. The more we expect from anyone or anything other than ourselves to "rescue us from the common perils of our life" the more control we relinquish, providing them a louder voice than our own when faced with a crossroads.
They should not be allowed to quash our zest for personal satisfaction in overcoming the many challenges we face every day.
In some cases, things like medical intervention and counseling are absolutely necessary and certain activities such as binging your favorite show are helpful to relieve stress and improve your mood. But none of these should be wholly relied upon to keep us happy, healthy and positive.
e.g., Instead of a prescribed medication being the answer to your happiness it should be thought of as part of the solution. The percentage it plays in your plan to feel better is obviously specific to you and your circumstances.
The mud, the mess and the misery
Now we know we cannot sit back and simply do nothing to improve our happiness, enjoy the holidays and improve our lives. We cannot expect life to happen for us. We must stay proactive, not only for the holidays, special occasions or during difficult times, but always.
Holidays are supposed to bring great positive energy to us -a time to be together, give and get, love, live and laugh. But for so many it's just the opposite. Throw a marriage problem or divorce in the mix and the holidays are a perfect time to feel stuck in the mud, trying to deal with life's big messes while feeling more miserable than ever!
How do you get unstuck so that the holiday experience or just life experience is a good one? How do you disallow your problems from destroying such times while remaining proactive in addressing them?
Change your outlook to improve your happiness
Put it in perspective
Aside from happiness, think of what you most want for yourself this holiday season. It could be more time with your family, a resolution to your problems, improved health, more money, romance. Anything!
Next, remember back to holiday's past. Think of the best memory of a holiday gift you received as a young child. Remember how miraculous it was when you opened that gift as a child and realized it was exactly what you wanted! It was like a dream come true.
But your dream gift has likely changed many times throughout the years. You wouldn't trade your opportunity for what you most want today for that amazing gift you received as a child.
This obvious example isn't meant to draw comparison between who we were as children and who we are today as adults. Of course, our priorities have changed, needs and responsibilities take precedence. We have matured to value different aspects of the holidays and our lives. Our perspective of life as children is much different than it is today.
Where you are, what you are doing and who you are with affects how you feel about yourself, life and others
The example above is meant to demonstrate how the difference in one's perspective affects his/her objectives, needs and desires as well as emotions, actions and reactions. The comparison between perspectives of a child and adult is an obvious one.
As adults, our perspectives change a great deal over the course of our adult life, marriage & parenthood. It's more subtle and less obvious than the difference in our perspective as children to adults because most maturing occurs from childhood to adulthood.
But, as adults, each year, month or even throughout your day your perspective changes a great deal. Changes in setting, company, expectations all affect your perspective. In some ways, you may consider it your mindset. e.g. The professional in you may be reliable, on the tennis court you may be aggressive, as a mother - sensitive, a wife - romantic.
Your mindset also changes based on current circumstances running in the background while life goes on. Such circumstances may be a divorce, loss, move or illness.
Life and all that happens in it changes us and changes affect what happens in our life
In a cyclical manner, as our perspective changes us, what we do as a result of how we perceive ourselves, our life and others also affect our perspective. It humbles us, matures us.
However, when we begin to consume too much negativity, it can begin to erode our ability to achieve personal happiness. The further we go in the wrong direction, the harder it is to regain a positive take on life.
Kids have it right
Perhaps that is why children run wild on the playground, maintain vivid imaginations and speak before thinking. They have yet to face the reality so many of us face in our maturing process that damages our belief in happily-ever-after, good endings and/or the notion that we can become anything we set our mind to.
Our life path shapes our overall perspective and alters our expectations and goals
In most cases, we allow what happens to us to modify our perspective. e.g. We are part of a bad business deal, so we lose trust for people. We fall in love, and we believe in love. We have children and we value security, future and home. We get divorced, and we doubt love, marriage and happily-ever-after.
Problems can affect our confidence
Negative circumstances inclusive of stress, burdens, worry or loss obviously have a higher likelihood to affect our perspective of those circumstances, others, ourselves and our life. Those are the circumstances by which we must learn to change, cope or accept. However, the affect they have on our current views only makes it that much harder to think objectively, find the motivation and confidence to do so.
Improve your confidence, manage your problems and find acceptable solutions
Happenings on your life path have had enough influence over who you are, what you do and how you feel.
Just like mentioned above, you cannot simply sit back, take a pill, push a button and expect life to happen for you. Your frame of mind should not be, "doctor, lawyer, employer - what can you do for me", rather it should be, "what can I do for myself, how can I manage my problems and how will others be a part of my plan?"
Such accountability will lead you to great self-assurance that you have the know-how and authority to solve anything that comes your way.
No one knows what you want more than you do. Nobody can satisfy your demands as you would. Only you should manage your problems, needs or wants. Everyone and everything you employ to do so is just an aid in the process. If you believe it and behave accordingly, others will respond the same thus providing the results you seek.
The secret is that we naturally hinge to righteousness and when we take responsibility for our problems, act as the manager to our own plan to solve them we are more vested in their success.
Giving that power to others provides us an easy scapegoat when solutions do not come fast enough or perfectly as planned. It also leads to throwing in the towel sooner, complaining more than doing and blaming rather than being fully accountable for the solutions that lead to your success.
Believe in yourself by improving your outlook
Disallow your ever-changing circumstances from negatively affecting your belief in yourself and ability to lead your life rather than be a victim of the problems in it.
A negative perspective about yourself, circumstances or others only holds you back. Rather than allow your negative perspective from keeping you stuck in the mud, mess and misery, you must take control of your emotions in order to maintain your focus on that which provides ongoing inspiration, motivation, love for yourself and those who are special to you. Here's how:
Key # 3 Use this guide to mood management
We plan births, wedding, funerals...why not plan our lives? ..duh!
It's been said, "The Good Lord has a plan." And indeed, that may be true. Some things happen that we certainly cannot control or take credit. However, the Good Lord also provided us free will, instinct, the power to love and forgive. He gave humans the power to live our lives rather than simply exist. He gave us a brain fully capable of devising our own plan.
So, plan it. Plan your life. Manage it carefully and with intention. Know what you want, decide how you're going to achieve it and take the steps needed to do so. Then, and only then, have you tapped into any higher power's plan for you.
Methodical? Maybe, but your life and how you live, love and lose is up to you.
Your plan could be something of a mental picture, a story board or journal of anticipation or a set of written goals and schedule for their attainment. You could visualize a method to improve self-reliance with your own strategy to coping with- and managing all that life throws at you. This starts with managing your feelings in an effort to maintain a positive outlook.
1. Forewarned is forearmed
Realize the negative influences in your life. Eliminate the occurrences, people or decisions that spur them. This is not as easy or obvious as it sounds. Sometimes, we seek the exact opposite of positivity. It could be sad songs, movies that are depressing or overly nostalgic, bad habits, bad relationships, etc. Despite our need to relate to things or people that represent how we feel, we need to find positive activities and inspiring people to change our perspective rather than make us comfortable within our present mindset.
This is difficult to discontinue because we naturally gravitate towards comfort when we feel low. Recognizing how, where and from whom we seek such comfort that keeps us in a sad, angry or hopeless state of mind may not always be obvious.
It's much easier to eat a super-size basket of fries than to do something good for yourself
Of course, when we are sad, we have low energy and just want to lay around, overeat and wallow. Some of you may find your circumstances brings out an intensity that provokes unfounded outbursts, dismissive or rude behavior; others may withdraw or engage in other bad habits (e.g., overdrinking, drugs, etc.)
All of these behaviors and actions only feed our negative frame of mind, which in the case of divorce may be attributed to varied distractions like heartbreak, financial problems, family turmoil and fear of the unknown.
Get ready, get set... go face the next challenge
When you anticipate problems or acknowledge them immediately at their onset, prepare for your attitude and overall outlook to become affected. It's a natural transition so you may not notice the negativity washing over your psyche. Yes, you may have negative feelings, but at the time they will feel fitting to your circumstances. But, in fact realizing this provides you an important aspect of controlling the direction your problems and the negativity they produce takes you.
Avoid decisions that continue to lead you down the path of negativity (e.g., reacting to stupid people, overthinking or analyzing bad news, thinking about how someone has somehow hurt or taken advantage of you). This path just takes you closer to your problems whereas they appear bigger than necessary, clouding your ability to adequately visualize them in their entirety, necessary in developing a plan to solve them.
e.g., Have you ever sat in the first row at the movie theatre? It actually makes it harder to actually watch the movie. Why? Because it's not a natural distance for the size of the screen. Yes, the screen, like some of your problems, may actually be pretty big. But, when you sit back 10 rows at a reasonable distance, you can actually see the movie as it was meant to be seen. If seeking an accurate critique of the movie you would want to ask someone seated at a reasonable distance rather than the person in the front row. Likewise, when seeking answers to your problems, you would want to be someone who considered them with an appropriate level of intensity and urgency as the problem demands. You can't be that person if your emotions from that problem have caused it to seem disproportioned and its resolution unclear.
Becoming overly consumed with your problems further affects your judgement when making other important decisions in your life and attaining your goals. Avoiding the triggers that overly personify the importance of your problems during occurrences when your attention to other matters is equally important will help you avoid more problems and a continued escalation towards greater life setbacks.
| Decrease problems with good planning and decision making |
| Avoid the onset of problems and/or triggers that contribute to them or make them overly consuming. |
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2. Know the difference
Understanding the difference between problems and circumstances for which you presently do not have control to affect is an essential step to emotional maturity and good decision making. It's also a primary component to your ability to delegate and address the issues in your life for which you do have control.
Unhinging the burden of problems, you have no current responsibility to change allow you to improve your perspective, increase your self-confidence and find more routes to personal happiness. It gives you the opportunity to focus on the problems for which you can change with a clear head and less chance for any challenge to overwhelm you, thus producing a positive outlook earned through managing your problems correctly.
| Acknowledge, Analyze, Accept or Address |
| Use this method for any problem that negatively affects your mood and perspective. |
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3. Consciously change your mood
One of the most complicated things to do on the many emotional journeys experienced during your lifetime is to take control of your emotions. Moreover, it is extremely complicated to actually change your mood without someone or something that influences you to do so. These may be positive or negative and may include vices, aid or support (e.g., empathetic friend or loved one, therapist, medication, music, alcohol, food, gambling, etc.)
Regardless how similar in nature - people are extremely different. You each have likes and dislikes, interests and unique situations. But sometimes ideas can help you brainstorm about people and activities that inspire you, center you and/or improve your sense of well-being.
First, find the priority in the typical comforts we seek when suffereing from problems that have affected our emotions and feelings.
These help but aren't the entire answer
When applicable: Continue in therapy and under the care of your physician and remain committed to following the advice of any professional charged with your wellness plan over any other source. Maintain your medication as prescribed, if applicable, with intention for it to do its job and you to do yours to improve your mental well-being.
These aren't a significant source of help
Avoid high usage of those typical things for which you currently gravitate towards for comfort: smartphone, social media, streaming networks, etc. Yes. You can keep them in your life, but if they were helping you improve your life, change your perspective and embrace your independent problem-solving capability, you wouldn't be reading this article.
These don't help
Abstain from vices or self-medicating that make your problems worse (e.g., too much loafing, those who are a bad influence or prone to take advantage of you, drugs, alcohol, smoking, overeating, etc.) All of these can be sneaky in that they may seem to help immediately, but actually they just affect your ability to solve your problems. They play a significant role in exacerbating a current problem and forming new ones. The more they are turned to, the more they damage your natural sensibility to realize what is happening. They are not an escape from your problems, rather a trap. If you think you need an escape you actually need to seek professional guidance to work with you in developing a wellness plan.
| Mood Changing Ideas |
| Activities of interest should be readily available, as needed. Activities of choice should be positive in nature and require your presence of mind and/or physical activity. |
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From our DMK family to yours we wish you the very best during the season and hope you can visit us anytime when you seek some inspiration, have some divorce questions or just need to know things will get better!
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