There are many things in life that can break us. These are the things that really make us question our life, our choices and our beliefs.  They cause many of us to lose our confidence, change our life and forget how to be ourselves.

At some point, we are so unsure about our choices that brought us to this crossroad, we aren't sure that any new direction or previous convictions will provide stability we currently lack.

It's not only difficult to get out of these messes, but their effect on our lives seems to quickly put our life and family in a complete downspin which can lead to our feeling lost, confused and frustrated.  We may not be sure where the exact problem began much less have the solutions.

One day we are busy and stressed, worried about our divorce, job, kids; the next day we feel stuck.  We may start questioning our divorce, worry about the direction it's taking us and our family.  It may turn into a week, month or year reflecting on questions or thoughts about the situations that eventuated these problems.

Questions may surface that eventually test your faith.

Questions only you can answer 

Some common questions that can come up after divorce include:

"Why did I pick the person I married only to end up divorced?"

"Why did I stay?"

"Why didn't I seek higher education or a better job?"

"Why didn't God protect me from the pain I am experiencing?  Didn't I work enough, pray enough & tithe enough?"

Who do we really blame for our loss?

It's easy to feel letdown by God or others following a divorce.  It's common to want someone to blame.  Underneath blaming God and others, we may also blame ourselves. 

Sometimes we know we're doing it and other times it comes out in our actions, words or social media posts.  Others may see it clearly, but we may only feel it.  Our feelings of anxiety, anger and sadness are part of us and from the inside looking out.  Others interpret it from the outside looking in at us and may see such behavior as aggressive, adversarial or bitter.

We may just associate it with the stress of recent changes, but beneath that stress is fear.

When we start to delve into our feelings about our marriage and divorce, we may fear we should have been stronger, smarter or more courageous.  

We may believe that if we made all of those mistakes once, how will it ever be possible for us to make the right decisions today or in the future?  God didn't show us the way or if he did, we didn't have the right connection to his goodness to avoid what has happened that brought us to this difficult time in our life.

We may start really overthinking every step we take.  We may be unsure about our friends, our church, our faith.  One day we blame ourselves about our past, the next day we may blame our former spouse or someone else.  Fear, confusion and indecision can consume us.

The longer we let these feelings affect our life, the harder it is to get control of them in an effort to diminish their impact on our potential happiness. 

One thing for sure, ignoring the effect they have on us won't help.  What can we do to deal with our negative feelings?

Answering the questions

Not everyone will need to answer all the questions we listed above.  But many of us need to reconcile with our past before beginning down the path towards the future.  It provides us a sense of acknowledgement of what went wrong, our fault or not and how to avoid such mistakes in the future.

Counseling or group therapy can help.  But faith in a religion or God may give personal strength to answer these types of questions, as well as accept those answers and the effect our divorce has on our future.

Belonging to a church, religious community or parish can also provide a great deal of peer support with people who share similar beliefs.  It provides a much-needed sense of belonging and acceptance.  The more "good" you bring into your life, the lesser the impact the "bad" has on your life.

Are you in the divorce trap?

It's very easy to get into a trap following a life changing event such as divorce.  It involves over-scrutinizing everything in your life, from a former spouse to home, job, self or religion.  

Your former spouse and you are no longer a couple.  Don't spend too much time feeling frustrated about him/her or being overly concerned about what he/she thinks, wants or does. 

If you are co-parents, focus on equal considerations and cooperation for your children.  If you are friends, be friends.  But if your new relationship isn't positive, take a step back until it can be or accept that it never will be a close friendship like you once hoped.

It's great to look into self-improvement and consider some things about your current lifestyle, home or job that need improvement.  But, don't change everything about yourself or your life in an effort to find some stability, positive changes or new normal.  

If your current faith or religion has left you feeling lost or if you have had concerns that make you question your faith; now is the time to reconnect or find a belief system that can allow you a closer relationship with God. 

If you're still unsure about issues of faith, that's okay.  Take some time to let the dust settle following your divorce.  Just don't cut all faith and religion out of your life.  It can be a major foundation when all other support systems have failed. 

New and old

You have had some time to think about the important questions about your life, your past and your faith that need to be answered.  Look to God when your religion has not always served you.  God is an unbiased God.  He will always provide love and support through prayer and meditation.  

Allow your faith in God to provide a new path towards what inspires you to move forward with your life.  Faith and wisdom will open the doors in your life that allow healthy changes and will protect you from letting go of what you should keep.

Your faith is not only in your God, religion or beliefs, but in yourself.  The more you allow yourself to take action to improve your life, the greater your individual confidence.  

Life has a path meant to be explored

Seek the power of faith and God to provide a path for your lifetime that is everchanging.  This path will include many great things, times and people.  It will include great loss, fears and mistakes too.  Faith will not always protect you from these things. 

Instead, it will help you pick up the pieces after such troubling situations so that you can keep moving forward and taking every opportunity to maximize where your life can take you.


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