Guys it's time to revise your strategy for "love-ever-after" the first date!  Here are a few things to understand in order to keep your date interested!

Some things most women don't like...

1. Keep asking to meet for a drink or cup of coffee

If you have already met for a brief encounter to determine if there is an interest in dating, then don't plan another short meetup.  It's time to have an official date to determine if there's a connection.  If she's the one who suggests the abbreviated date, then don't be afraid to ask for something more.  Yes, she still may decline.  But if she keeps the channels of communication open through texting or otherwise then she may just be cautious.  If she keeps declining after a few requests then you may want to move on.

2. Don't offer to pay

Today, many women appreciate a guy who respects her ability to pay.  However, if you're the one planning the date, then you should offer to pay.  If she planned and invited you on the date, then she will likely offer to pay, but you should pay unless she would be offended by you doing so.   According to a survey on e-harmony® 75% of men and 72% women think men should pay for the first date.

3. Not a gentleman 

You should always, always, always open doors for her and be attentive as if she's the only woman in the room.  Be considerate of her likes and dislikes on date #1 and for a lifetime.  Ask questions about her because you have sincere interest in getting to know her.   It should never sound rehearsed or like you have an ulterior motive.  Don't cut her off mid-sentence because you think she's talking too much or about something that makes you uncomfortable.  Know how to genuinely change the subject if you get to talking on something that isn't light hearted and fun for the evening.

4. Too handsy 

Women are sexual creatures, but they don't want to be treated as sex objects.  Be polite and treat them with respect.  Don't touch her inappropriately or make unwanted advances.  If there's a mutual interest in romance still be respectful and don't assume she wants to be intimate right away.

5. Not thinking of her

Don't plan a date around your likes and dislikes without being attentive to hers.  If the first date is a dud then you likely won't see her again.  Try to meld your mutual interests so that the night is fun and relevant for you both.  Don't put too much emphasis on personal stuff that is best for later dates.

6. Poor manners

Don't spit, talk with your mouth full, be rude to your server, have poor eye contact (as in checking out other women or not paying attention to her while she is talking), eat off her plate, ask her to leave the tip, consistently walk ahead of her, talk to others more than her, ignore her suggestions, answer calls or texts (accept from babysitters/kids), focus on a television with some game in the background, look continuously at your phone or cuss too much.  Duh!

7. Talk too much about your ex

Essentially there is no room on the first date for either of your ex's.  When asked about your former spouse keep the response honest but short.  You don't need to get into details on the first date.  This is especially true if you have a lot of bitterness and resentment built up.  You should keep that stuff for a counselor or a close friend with whom you feel comfortable venting.  Your date is not this person.  You may be surprised that once you get closer to someone, much of your misery about your ex will lessen.  But first you have to get to the second date.

8. Talk too much about yourself and your money

So you are good at this or that.  You have a great career and maybe some money.  Don't show-off.  The more you talk about these things, the more women think you need validation and maybe don't really feel as successful as you want them to believe.  It's okay to mention what you do well, have an interest or have had success at this or that. But, let them discover your strengths.  If they are interested in knowing more, they will ask questions.  Furthermore, don't use your success and money to get someone interested then denounce women who just want you for your success and money.

9. Drink too much or keep buying her unwanted drinks

If you are driving you should limit your drinking or not drink at all to insure you will not need an Uber® to get you and your date home.  The first date is not a time for either of you to overindulge.  Regretful behavior on the first date can lead to "no call" the next day for a variety of reasons.  If she has a drink, don't buy her another until she is completely done with her drink, indicates she would like another or she orders one for herself.  Conversely, unless she is driving or showing signs of intoxication don't remind her how many she has had or indicate she is drinking too much.  In other words, control your drinking and let her control hers.

10. Imply she should order a light dish or salad

Do not ever go there!  You just come off sounding chauvinistic. If you are not satisfied with her figure or ability to manage her own diet then you should not date her.  Nor is it "thinking of her" to imply women should eat like birds.  Women generally like food and sometimes that includes a big fat steak (for which she will likely order when you imply she might like a salad).  If your date is super health conscious she will order accordingly without your input.  

So guys, it's time to step up your dating game and get serious about your new love interest.  These aren't our rules, but they do get you to a second and third date if that's what you want.  Hopefully, in most cases that is what you want!

References: Women everywhere.

What do men and women want on the first date? The Science of Love By e-harmony Labs/Taraneh Mojaverian



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