2021 DMK Weekly Reflection

Simple reflection.

If you had 10 healthy and strong years left to live, what would you change about your life?  If you had 3 years left, what then would you do differently?  1 year?  Would you find the love of your life, start a business, get healthier?   Would these changes help you and make your future better?  Will they be easier to do when you're older?

Like a school assignment we wait to complete until the very end, so many of us put off what can be done today until tomorrow.  Only tomorrow is forever a day away.  We have our eyes set on "someday" only to have tomorrow come out of nowhere as the regrets of "yesterday". 

"If only I worked harder yesterday I wouldn't struggle today.  If only I looked for love yesterday, I wouldn't be alone now.  If only I took better care of myself, I wouldn't suffer from poor health."

Are your dreams, aspirations and goals worth it?

If not, keep dreaming until you find your inspiration. What we aspired to be, do and achieve tomorrow can often inspire us today.   However, too often we let these inspirations satisfy us without real actions.  Perhaps many of us never really intend on achieving our dreams.  We will never climb that mountain, seek higher education, invent, build, design or improve...but we want to.  Maybe for some of us it's the first step we can't take or for others it's the inability to stick with it.  Maybe the dream seems too much like a dream and not a real possibility.  Maybe the sacrifice that's needed to attain our goals doesn't seem worth it.  

No matter what the reasons we fail to achieve what we want, it's clear that the sooner we do it...when we are healthier, younger, able to take greater risks, the better. Think of your regrets of yesterday and the worst of them are the things you wished you had the courage, strength and wisdom to do when you had the chance.   

Here is your chance.  Find tomorrow before it finds you and you will avoid the regrets of yesterday - 


Stop overthinking 

Did you ever notice most of our thoughts gravitate towards the negative stuff?  We worry, fear, stress!  We are thinking about getting to work, what we need to do when we get there.  We are thinking about our kids, their schoolwork, friend problems.  We try to remember if we sent in their money for their field trip and if our teenager is being honest about one thing or another.  We think about when we were a teenager, our issues with our parents and all the epic fails from that time to now. 

We think about our great meeting at work the other day and how that account looks promising, then back to the negative.  We suddenly remember the last time we were sure a new prospect was going to sign with our firm and it fell through.  Then we're onto the house payment.  We hear the brakes on the car squeaking and think how bad we need this new account.  Suddenly, the whole day looks like crud and then the anger, blame and frustration with our ex comes into mind and things just keep getting better.  Ugh!

Did you ever have a 10 minute drive to work like that?  When this happens, there is one absolute way you can fight back with positive reinforcement.  Do.

Get active

That's right!  Get doing.  Think about the last time you went outside and took in the scenery and wonders of nature and felt lousy afterwards?  Did you ever just release a random series of negative thoughts that in 20 minutes you realized weren't as bad as they seemed?  Add a brisk walk or some sunshine and the ughs just vaporize.  

Get into a sport, get out there and play, run, walk, swim.  Get into a hobby, make something, accomplish anything.  Consider anything you do and think of how you could do it better or be more creative with it: career, cooking, activities with the kids, classes at the local college, organizing, decorating, even cleaning can produce a positive feeling afterwards.  This especially when you do it intentionally and with purpose.  It will make work more productive, home activities more enjoyable and an overall feeling of greater accomplishment.

When you are in a sitatuion where there is downtime to think, you can't always change what you are doing to stop thinking.  But, the more positive you add in your everyday the more it will overtake the negativity that seeps into your downtime.  You will be more positive in your thoughts and more relaxed when it's time to relax.  You will sleep better and have an overall clearer thought process.  

Now, here is the challenge.  Do.  Get out there this week and start something new or do anything...better.  Change your everyday to include more accomplishments.  Even small ones like organizing, cleaning or modifying.  Add more production to your life, make it easier for your everyday grunt work and add more everyday active stuff.  Get some comfy tennies and get doing!  Buy some new ingredients and try a new recipe.  Build some new shelves in your closet or paint a room in your house.  If you don't feel better within the first 2 weeks, do more until you feel genuinely happy for your ex and think your divorce settlement was completely fair. Then you'll know you're onto something pretty darn good!wink

As always, check with a physician to approve your new activities.  

What does it take to survive loss and grief?

When I was a child, I watched a popular show about a little prairie girl, who grew up to be a mother, teacher and author. Her name was Laura Ingalls Wilder and the show was "Little House on the Prairie".  

There was a particular episode where Laura, nicknamed Half-Pint, ran away from home following the tragedy of the death of her baby brother, Charles Jr., shortly after he was born. The entire family was mourning the loss of Charles, Jr, the son Pa had always wanted. Before the infant passed away of illness, Laura felt particularly jealous and feared Pa was replacing her with the son she could never be. Until Charles Jr., Laura was as close as a scrappy little boy as Pa could want. But after baby Charles was born, in Laura's eyes, all Pa talked about was her new baby brother. Pa and Ma were particularly preoccupied thru-out the child's illness. Upon the passing of the child Ma and Pa were caught up in their grief and, for obvious reasons, were not aware of all that Laura was feeling.


An so goes the beating heart, is it yours that goes a lifetime? 
And yet, it is, so common form, it beats from dusk to dawn. 
Like every organ we celebrate, it is life, the theory goes. 
If we are to follow form, like organs then, we should live like kings of those.

What makes you different; makes you, YOU.

"Two roads diverged in a wood and I, I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference." Robert Frost (1874-1963)

This was taken from the popular poem by Robert Frost, "The Road Not Taken", 1920.  It's popularity most likely resonates with many of us, it's theme that we must follow our own path in life regardless of what others say, think or do.  Sadly, while we advocate such a freedom to revel in our own interests, skills and passions, we still fail to truly emancipate ourselves from following what is common to our society.  We not only fail ourselves when we follow the lead of others for whom we do not truly believe, but we fail those whom we love when we fear change and choices that may seem different or wrong to those who look for conformity as a means of control and self validation.