Dear Honey Wexler,

My wife and I have both retained attorneys to begin the process of our divorce.  We are currently in the process of separating but I have not yet located a place to move.  We discussed discontinuing the use of our mutual credit cards that were all attained during our marriage.  In assembling the information about our finances, I called the credit card companies to get our current balances.  I found that my wife had taken a very large cash advance on one of the cards months ago, but before we decided to divorce.  When I confronted her she indicated it was for a cosmetic procedure we discussed.  While we had discussed both getting the procedure at one time, I don't feel she actually paid the amount of the advance.  I have contacted the medical office, but they will not provide the invoice to me.  She too will not give me the invoice and says it had nothing to do with the divorce, but it was just bad timing.  Part of me believes her and part of me thinks it's too much of a coincidence.  The amount was for over $10,000.  What can I do?

LB

Dear Honey Wexler,

My wife and I have been married for 18 years.  We have three wonderful children and a beautiful home near Lake Michigan.  I was recently offered a job in Nevada that I turned down because my wife didn't want to live that far from her family.  The pay was for a considerable amount more than what I'm making now and would have given my wife the chance to quit working a full-time job.  

She routinely complains about how hard it is for her to work so much while raising three small children.  I am out of town a lot and she takes on much of the parental duties while I'm away.  

Her complaining is a big reason I thought the offer was super for us.  Despite the solution I provided that she didn't want, she still complains and expects me to solve her problems on a regular basis.  I'm already so stressed at work that I recently got treated for high blood pressure and anxiety, but she doesn't seem to care.

Do you think I should tell her that she made the decision to not accept my solution so she needs to understand and just accept with the situation we're in right now?

Terrence K.

Wife developing relationship with co-worker

Q. I am not the jealous type, but my wife has a co-worker who is totally overstepping a boundary.  He texts and calls at night and on the weekends about personal stuff.  He totally acts like he needs her help about his "girlfriend", but I doubt seriously he even has one.  One night he asked her to meet him somewhere for a drink.  She said no, but I feel like she was mad at me after she declined.  I know this type of guy and I totally feel like my wife doesn't see it because she is a very trusting person.  I feel like a jerk for telling her not to be friends with the guy, but I know he is not what he seems!

A. Experienced Wife Opinion

First, relax and give your wife credit for having enough sense to know when someone is hitting on her.  Your second hand knowledge of their relationship may be way off from actual occurrences.  You need to trust in your wife to value the sanctity of your marriage regardless of any situation, pass or opportunity that presents itself.  So, even if she is missing the intentions of this guy, once they become apparent, she will set things straight with him.  The more you tell her not to have a friendship with him, the more it becomes a contest. As she continues with the friendship unobstructed, she will either see what you are seeing or you will begin to see that he is not someone to worry about.

Deal with marriage problems that are between you and her only (such as poor communication, consideration, time spent together).  Sometimes the problem is more about the two of you, then the outside influences. 

A. Experienced Husband

It wouldn't be a bad idea to offer to double date with her friend and his girlfriend.  You will find out quickly if his girlfriend really exists.  If he makes excuses, change the time and day until the date is set.  Once you all meet, you may actually realize he's not a bad guy at all.  Either way, once he sees you and your wife together, the marriage is suddenly "real" and making a move on her would be harder.  

One true sign that he is what you think is when he discourages you to come along when they see each other outside of work.  If that happens a lot, it's usually a sign he doesn't just want a friendship.  This doesn't mean you need to supervise your wife and her friends, just know that if that happens (and your not a jerk) then he may be someone worth worrying about.  

Finally, don't think your wife is "naïve", ever.  It's a bad move that will get you an irritated wife.  Trust me, from a guy who has been there, done that.

-OurDMK.com

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The information provided by respective owner's ("we", "us" or "our) on Divorce Me Knot (referenced also as "DivorceMeKnot.com", "dmk", "DMK", "OurDMK.com", "OurDMK", "application" or "site") is for general informational purposes only and is subject to change with or without notice. All information on our site and application is provided in good faith, however we make no representation, guarantee or warranty of any kind, express or implied, regarding the accuracy, validity, adequacy, reliability, availability or completeness of any information on the site or application.

The information in articles and all content on this site should not be considered psychological or behavioral health therapy, counseling or legal, financial, real estate, mortgage, insurance or professional advice. It should not be used in place of professional advice from a licensed professional or credentialed expert. Providers of content on this site, herein known as "Contributors" (inclusive of, but not limited to writers, bloggers, editors, employees, developers, graphic designers, advertisers, partners, affiliates, references, experts, professionals and site owners) are not legally liable for any misinformation, errors or omissions. Names, details and images may have been changed in the content of this site.

Under no circumstances should DMK and/or it's Contributors have any liability to users of the site for any loss or damage incurred to users as a result of the use of this site or application or reliance of any information provided on the site or application. Use of the site or application and reliance on any information from the site or application is solely at the user's own risk.

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Q. Jealous Husband 

My husband is jealous of my male co-worker.  I told him I am not interested in any other person but him, but he still brings it up.  At first I thought it was cute that he was jealous, but now I can't even talk about work or my co-worker without him making a rude comment. I like my job and don't want to leave.  My co-worker is also a friend and don't want to lose him either.  What can I do to make the situation go away?  

A. Experienced Wife Opinion

It's important to recognize the exact reasons your spouse is jealous.  Despite your co-worker being only a friend, your spouse may feel threatened for reasons other than fear of an "adulterous relationship".  If you talk about your friend and the time you spend with one another, your spouse may simply want to share a similar relationship with you.  You should reassure your spouse that your friend is not a threat, but that you do value the friendship and your job a great deal and have no plans to change.  When your husband is rude, you should let him know you won't tolerate that behavior and that if he wants you to consider his feelings he should voice his opinions with respect for you, your job and your friend.  

A. Experienced Husband Opinion

A long marriage includes much sacrifices and compromise.  You both need to bend a bit on this situation.  Your spouse should always be more important than a friend or a job.  It's possible your spouse may sense something about your friends intentions indicating a relationship that is heading towards more than a friendship. While this may not be in any way what you think or feel, you and your friends intentions may not be the same.

However, quitting a job over unfounded jealousy is unnecessary and your spouse should understand that.   He could just be an insecure husband who needs to be reminded that his wife is free to choose her friends and place of employment.  Either way, both need to be empathetic and patient with one another.

Regarding your comment that you wanted the situation to go away, it may come down to a picking your battles scenario.  Choosing to reduce time spent with or talking about a friend may be worth saving a marriage if it get's to a point of "him or me".  Before that happens though, a marriage counselor may be helpful. 

-OurDMK.com

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Disclaimer

The information provided by respective owner's ("we", "us" or "our) on Divorce Me Knot (referenced also as "DivorceMeKnot.com", "dmk", "DMK", "OurDMK.com", "OurDMK", "application" or "site") is for general informational purposes only and is subject to change with or without notice. All information on our site and application is provided in good faith, however we make no representation, guarantee or warranty of any kind, express or implied, regarding the accuracy, validity, adequacy, reliability, availability or completeness of any information on the site or application.

The information in articles and all content on this site should not be considered psychological or behavioral health therapy, counseling or legal, financial, real estate, mortgage, insurance or professional advice. It should not be used in place of professional advice from a licensed professional or credentialed expert. Providers of content on this site, herein known as "Contributors" (inclusive of, but not limited to writers, bloggers, editors, employees, developers, graphic designers, advertisers, partners, affiliates, references, experts, professionals and site owners) are not legally liable for any misinformation, errors or omissions. Names, details and images may have been changed in the content of this site.

Under no circumstances should DMK and/or it's Contributors have any liability to users of the site for any loss or damage incurred to users as a result of the use of this site or application or reliance of any information provided on the site or application. Use of the site or application and reliance on any information from the site or application is solely at the user's own risk.

For complete site disclaimers review "Disclaimers" on this site or click the link below.

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Jealousy and Fear

Jealousy and fear are major issues that can drive a couple apart.  There can be multiple reasons that bring about a fear and jealousy situation. 

  • A previous infidelity in the existing relationship or prior relationships
  • Changes in one spouse's behavior  
  • Personal, psychological or physical problems that contribute to co-dependency
  • Concerns about a specific situation that has created trust issues
  • A relationship between a spouse and someone outside the marriage that seems inappropriate to the other spouse
  • An existing damaged relationship for reasons, other than adultery, that is vulnerable to jealousy and/or betrayal

In most cases, a healthy marriage can get through it with little long-term damage.  Adding positive marriage activity, improved communication and increased awareness will help build trust and minimalize unwarranted fear and jealousy as well as decrease occurrences that propagate justified concerns. 

Struggling relationships where one or both spouses are unhappy should seek the help of trained counselors who can guide the couple back to a happy and healthy marriage. It's also a good step for each spouse's achievement of personal happiness and life satisfaction.

-OurDMK.com

 

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Disclaimer

The information provided by respective owner's ("we", "us" or "our) on Divorce Me Knot (referenced also as "DivorceMeKnot.com", "dmk", "DMK", "OurDMK.com", "OurDMK", "application" or "site") is for general informational purposes only and is subject to change with or without notice. All information on our site and application is provided in good faith, however we make no representation, guarantee or warranty of any kind, express or implied, regarding the accuracy, validity, adequacy, reliability, availability or completeness of any information on the site or application.

The information in articles and all content on this site should not be considered psychological or behavioral health therapy, counseling or legal, financial, real estate, mortgage, insurance or professional advice. It should not be used in place of professional advice from a licensed professional or credentialed expert. Providers of content on this site, herein known as "Contributors" (inclusive of, but not limited to writers, bloggers, editors, employees, developers, graphic designers, advertisers, partners, affiliates, references, experts, professionals and site owners) are not legally liable for any misinformation, errors or omissions. Names, details and images may have been changed in the content of this site.

Under no circumstances should DMK and/or it's Contributors have any liability to users of the site for any loss or damage incurred to users as a result of the use of this site or application or reliance of any information provided on the site or application. Use of the site or application and reliance on any information from the site or application is solely at the user's own risk.

Read Complete Site Disclaimers Here