DMK Quote
"When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us."
Helen Keller
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Not Loving Divorce?
Consider this DMK Editorial Selected "Divorce Recovery Handbook" for help!
DMK Q & A
Is it normal to have regrets?
It's totally normal and it doesn't mean you made a mistake. It does mean that you have some tough times ahead and you are experiencing "divorcees' remorse".
What can I do to feel better after my divorce?
You don't want to change everything, but employ a few new healthy routines into your life. It could be diet and exercise, taking classes on a topic that interests you, planning some activities with your kids, increasing your social activity, etc.
I feel like my relationship with my children has suffered.
In some ways it may have. In the eyes of your children, they felt powerless to stop their family from splitting-up. Make sure their new life without mom and dad together is as happy as you can make it. Forgive yourself for bad days and bad decisions. The divorce may make them feel as if they need to pick sides; make sure they know they don't need to choose.
Your children need you, but try to not need them. Meaning, don't expect too much right now, don't talk negatively about your ex and don't overcompensate or be overbearing out of guilt. If you remain consistent with your parenting and expectations they will slowly be back to themselves again in no time!
Should I date now?
Everyone is different. Make sure your head and heart are ready. If so, take it slow but don't close yourself off to the possibility of falling in love with someone new. If you aren't ready for love, be upfront when starting a new relationship to avoid problems later.
I think I am still in love with my ex
This is a very common sentiment following years of marriage and an exhausting divorce. It's like a cruel joke we play on ourselves. Make sure you are not confusing love with who and what feels comfortable. The longer you were married, the more it will be difficult to start over. If you do still have feelings for your ex it is important to work through them unless you and your former spouse are both interested in re-entering into a relationship. In the case of reconciliation, you may both find the help of a marriage counselor beneficial to deal with the problems that originally led to your divorce.
My former spouse is already in a new relationship a week after our divorce.
Rebound relationships rarely work. But, it may be something he chose to start to cope with the break-up, (though not entirely recommended). Regardless, of the reasons for his choice, it is his choice to make. It's a good opportunity for you to recognize that the two of you are now living separate lives and his relationships and decisions represent that. These types of things will further the divide between you both and will actually help you accept your new life apart. Try to stay busy with a healthy lifestyle and don't be overly concerned about your ex. Eventually his relationships will be completely unimportant to you.
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