Love is fun, sexy & wild!  We all love to fall in love.  It encourages us, improves our self-esteem and makes every single thing in our life better.  Rarely do we take our love blinders off long enough to think, "what if". 

"What if he leaves me.  What if he lies, cheats or hides assets." 

Ya, we don't think like that when we're falling in love.  We may put up a few good effort road blocks for the "what if" blues.  But, we quickly get around them in an effort to find our happily-ever-after.

The divorce is over.  What now?

Well, it's ever after and "what if" took over where love left off.  So now what?  You're passed the marriage and maybe still bitter over the divorce.  Some of you miss your ex.  Some of you totally don't miss him.   

Some miss him one day and can't stand him the next.  What can we say?  Love is hard to break.

Is it any wonder your pain from your divorce makes it hard to trust someone new?  You may be afraid to love again or have no interest in the whole dating process.  Perhaps you have someone in mind, but aren't sure you're ready.  What should you do next?

DMK to the rescue

We have some great ideas to help you get back into the love game once again.  It's not scientific or spiritual.  It's not guaranteed and we don't expect every tip to fit everyone.   But, with some good advice from those of us who have survived heartbreak, you'll have a good chance at love once again.

Tip #1 Stop ruminating over the past

You need to move past this stage of divorce so you can get on with your life, independent of your former marriage and the break-up.  Once you're able to see yourself as an individual with limitless possibilities for your life and purpose, you'll begin to release the pain and heartbreak associated with the divorce.

Tip #2 Trust in yourself again

Divorce can be a real self-esteem killer.  It makes us doubt ourselves, our choices and others.  Even if we don't do this consciously, we may be less likely to make the same decisions fearlessly, like when we were younger.  In some ways, it provides us wisdom to choose more wisely and in other ways it holds us back.  Trust that you made the right decisions at each time in your life and that you're capable of recognizing when something isn't good for you.  Your divorce is an example of your ability to make and accept difficult corrections in your life that will eventually make you a happier person.  

Tip # 3 Improve your sense of self

When you feel good about yourself, you'll make better decisions that affect your future and your happiness.  Find what makes you, you.  Determine the hobbies, activities or positive choices that provide you with a sense of purpose.  Trust in yourself and your decisions.  When you feel better about yourself, others notice.  This is a good step to making yourself available for the possibility of falling in love once again.

Tip #4 Challenge yourself

If your life is just about getting by, then your not living it.  Don't simply exist.  Your everyday should have consistent opportunities to learn new things, meet new people, understand different perspectives in an effort to provide you purpose and a more fulfilling life.  Chances are, your marriage lost that luster and perhaps your life has also.  Once you begin to shine a light on the possibilities, you'll find it easier to get out there to meet new people and form new relationships.

Tip #5 Change something

Sometimes getting stuck in heartbreak is less about letting go of the recent past, such as a divorce or breakup, and more about your individual inability to make changes.  If you're stuck in second gear your whole life, you'll miss the opportunity to really realize the ease of life exploration.  You need to make changes that aren't always obvious to you.  If you get used to living in a certain way, dressing a certain way or doing something day after day, it may be harder to see that there may be room for improvement through change.  You may need to enlist a therapist or friend in your life plan to help you.  A little change goes a long way to opening the door to new potential and opportunities in your love life, family and career.

Tip #6 Bad happens, expect it

Bad things happen.  Don't take it like it's a surprise.  Be ready to deal with it.  When you are alone, it may be more difficult to get over the little things in life that get you down.  Find ways to combat these things when you don't have the emotional and/or financial support you may have formerly experienced when married.  Regardless if it is a  financial, friendship or romantic setback, you should have coping mechanisms to process the problem and get right over it.  The faster you expel your emotional trauma from setbacks, the faster you get back to living your life.  This will make you unstoppable in everything you do and experience.

Tip #7 Try new things

The final stage of divorce includes moving forward with your life.  You will experience, in some ways, as your re-birth.  In order to fully experience your life do-over, you will need to not only break the shell of the past, but reach outside of your comfort zone in an effort to grow and find new paths.  You need to try new things, talk to people you never talked to before, go places you never thought to go.  You don't need to be a new person, but you will find that the more you experience, the more you'll evolve.  In doing so, you will understand more about yourself, others and the possibilities you can achieve.

Tip #8 Create something

We are human beings.  We naturally crave opportunities to create.  It doesn't matter what it is, just be productive.  It should have an end result, something that represents a production of your creative ability.  You could build something, craft, cook, write.  No matter what it is, find what interests you and stick with it.  Share what you create with others.  Build upon your product and see where your talent to create can take you.  Accomplishments are part of the zest of living.

Tip #9 Fight fearlessly

Fight against your obstacles.  Let go and move forward.  Life is in a constant state of renewal.  Don't let anything or anyone get in your way.  Fear nothing.  Be a warrior and don't get confused by those things or people that attempt to distort your possibilities for a better future.  This is your life and you should be the one in control of it.

Tip #10 Expect to love again

Once you feel good about yourself, others will be more responsive.  You will be more attracted to positive people and they too, will gravitate towards you.  Your social well-being will strengthen and you'll begin to recognize more possibilities.  Love should be one of those possibilities.  You do not have to seek love, but you should expect it.  Never close yourself off to the opportunity for love.   To do so denies you an important part of your human nature.  When you love someone or others - you provide the opportunity to be loved.  So, keep love in your life and it will lead you to the closeness and bonding that supports your happiness.       -OurDMK.com



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