Many books and online articles tell us much of the same thing about getting over a divorce.  They help us identify our problems and stages of divorce in an effort to better cope with the immense changes before us.  But, after a while we may just need chocolate, wine and sad movie marathons.  Right? 

Um. Maybe.undecided

Getting over it sucks.  

The recommendations go far and wide.  Most tell us our long-term problems involve our ruminating in our grief, anger and blame.  Yada. Yada. Yada. we don't get that!?

Some of us head to therapy where they tells us to talk about it, deal with it, get over it and on with it. 

Huh?  Really?  Can we get that in a pill please?

Well, yes.  Antidepressants are a top seller to all those divorcing, divorced or wishing they were.

It's probable divorcees are keeping Big Pharma in business selling antidepressants alone.  At this point, you have to wonder if there could possibly be a conspiracy of such companies destroying marriages just to sell more drugs. 

And if you're wondering if we're serious about that accusation...

Well. No. 

After all, most of us are pretty good at destroying our marriages all by ourselves.

Even if we do light a fire under our new, single rumps, life remains a blur between new schedules, more work and less money - sex and companionship.   Our endorphins seem to fall by the minute!   Is it any wonder we seek Red Bull®, White Claw® and Maple Glazed Donut ONE® Bars?  

We no longer have our spouse to talk to about bad days (or still have no special someone to yap to when we need to most).  We become the only person around to clean, cook and pay the bills.  Some of us may miss our ex, while others, not so much.  We all need our friends and supportive family members, but sometimes they don't seem to help much either.

We know something is missing in our life and as the boredom and loneliness continue, we start craving something to replace it.  "It" may not be our ex that we miss specifically, but perhaps it's everything that a good relationship provides. 

Regardless what it is, sometimes we'll just need to take the BULL by the horns then scratch and CLAW our way out of this ONE!  Ha. See what I did there?  Okay, just tryin' to have a little fun while I totally get control of my mental spending.  My meds only take me so far.tongue-out

The things we'll try in order to get over divorce

Food. Few of us have avoided the simple pleasure of food as a means to feeling better after a breakup:

1. When you start to eat more - stock the fridge and pantry with 80% healthy food options to reduce increasing fat, sugar and calories when increasing frequency and quantity (a small portion of "less than healthy" food is ok for the average person)

2. Watch out for high sugar, sodium and fat content in the foods you choose - be cautious when cutting out one unhealthy ingredient, it's common for another unhealthy ingredient to be higher (I'm looking at the ridiculous amount of sodium in my Healthy Choice® dinner as we speak)

3. Don't eat too close to bedtime - in addition to weight gain, it can cause sleep disturbances and/or acid reflux or indigestion 

New romance.  Until the divorce is final, most legal advisors may suggest not engaging in a romantic relationship.  If your divorce is final, find some things to consider below:

1. Don't get intimate until you're sure you're ready - it may cause regrets if the relationship doesn't take off 

2. Be cautious about rebound relationships - after being alone for a while, you may be prone to being less selective (which is no help to your self-esteem and may get you back into a doomed relationship before the other one is legally over)

3. Try friendship before romance - having a chance to get to know someone new can be just as exciting as forming a new romance

Working out. Great way to work off the heartbreak and frustration associated with divorce.

1. After you check with your family doctor to make sure your plans for fitness are okay, start slow with walking, yoga, swimming and interval training 

2. Don't get stuck in one type of work-out - add some new stuff weekly to get all parts of your body exposed to strength training and various cardio routines and to keep you interested in maintaining your routine, physical activity

3. Workout with a friend in order to maintain long-term goals and to include a social component to your plan - a friend will keep you motivated and committed

Drinking. Unless you have addiction or related health problems, a glass of wine or a beer isn't gonna hurt you.

1. Drink in moderation, with friends in a social setting or enjoy a glass of wine while preparing or at dinner and never, ever drunk dial, text or the stuff you end up regretting later...whatever that may be

2. Avoid overconsumption and heavy drinking alone- the point is to enjoy your drink and it's affect without overindulgence which leads to hangovers, embarrassment, poor health and regrets

3. Try something new occasionally to change it up a bit - try some new drink recipes for a dinner party or night out with friends

Friends. If you're expecting to make friends laying around all day in your jammies, well...good luck with that.

1. Call a friend, even if you haven't talked in awhile - they're your friends and if they're good friends, they'll be there for you

2. Get the heck out of the house - home is good, but alone is boring, lonely and pathetic - don't be pathetic

3. Friends are better than spouses, dates or work - don't neglect your social life, which btw, is pretty important for a healthy, active lifestyle

Career. Well, you need money and it isn't coming from a crappy job, so get your career on.

1. Work like you'll be single forever and you need to make some serious cash because you don't want to end up in a Medicaid wing in a nursing home (which could totally happen if you don't have sufficient retirement funds)

2. Have some ego going on at all times - you need a nice home, nice car and to look like your ex regrets leaving you - ya', you need that

3. Make your boss wish there were more than one of you - but make sure your boss doesn't rely so much on you that he wants you there on your vacay.  Your career should complement your life, not be your life 

Home. Okay. Home is good, but it's not home without living.

1. Don't bury yourself in the part - your family is important, and your home is house and family, but they need you healthy and happy - so let some of the supermom or super dad go once-in-awhile

2. Get it together - really don't give yourself too much time to get settled in the overworked and overstressed single parent routine  - get out there and be a "new you" instead of trying to hold down the fort all the time - change your routine, add a class at the local community college or a new hobby - find some new ways to destress beside ice cream and Hulu® (which is okay on occasion btw)

3. Don't get hung up on the house, give it up if you need to - it's filled with memories of the past that won't really make you feel better, especially when they're laced with debt, ya' know?  If you keep it, then keep it and work like heck to keep it updated and improved.  Don't let it remain a reflection of your former life - update it with a fresh outlook and style and it will be a positive part of it - 

Okay.  Your spouse is gone.  Gone.

It kinda' ends like that.  Doesn't it?  Like a sentence that's cut short.  

Regardless what it is you were used to at the end of your marriage, no matter how long you were together or starting to grow apart, living with him/her, then suddenly not living with him/her feels abrupt.  At some point for most of us, we wanna reach for all the wrong replacements.

Instead, replace your spouse with positive actions and goals for a better life along with a few jelly donuts once-in-awhile. 

Move forward.  It may not always be healthy, easy or perfect.  But, we aren't running a psychology clinic here.  It's the real life drama team telling you to live a little and work a lot to make your life better.   That's the reason you left your spouse, to find a happier you and better life.  Now, go get to it.  It's out there, but first you have to believe in it and believe in yourself.  Jelly donuts optional.