Many divorce articles and books are going to tell you much of the same thing.  Problems lead to divorce, divorce to emotional distress, then acknowledgment and healing.  Divorce resources help, but after awhile it may just be time for chocolate, wine and sad movie marathons.  Right? 

Um. Maybe.undecided

The recommendations go far and wide regarding how to "just get over it".  Most will tell you the long-term problems involve our ruminating in our grief, anger and blame.  Many will head to our family physician for an anti-depressant.  But, for some of us, those don't help much either.

We may venture into many things during and after divorce.  All the while, life remains a blur between new schedules, less money, sex and companionship.   Our endorphins seem to fall by the minute!

We no longer have our spouse to talk to about bad days.  We become the only person around to clean, cook and clean some more.  Some of us may miss our ex, while some, not so much.  We all need our friends and supportive family members, but sometimes they don't seem to help much either.

Regardless, we know something is missing in our life and as the boredom and loneliness continue, we start craving something to replace what we feel like we're missing.

The things we'll try to get over divorce

Food. Few of us have avoided the simple pleasure of food as a means to feeling better after a break up:

1. When you start to eat more - stock the fridge and pantry with 80% healthy food options - a small portion of "less than healthy" food is ok for the average diet

2. Watch out for high sugar, sodium and fat content in the foods you choose - be cautious when cutting out one unhealthy ingredient, another is usually higher

3. Don't eat too close to bed time - in addition to weight gain, it can cause sleep disturbances and/or acid reflux or indigestion

New romance.  Until the divorce is final, it may be legally inadvisable to engage in a romantic relationship.  If your divorce is final some things to consider:

1. Don't get intimate until you're sure you're ready - it may cause regrets if the relationship doesn't take off

2. Be cautious about rebound relationships - after being alone for awhile, you may be prone to be less selective (which is no help to your self-esteem)

3. Try friendship before romance - having a chance to get to know someone new can be just as exciting as forming a new romance

Working out. Great way to work off the heartbreak and frustration associated with divorce.

1. After you check with your family doctor to make sure your plans for fitness are okay, start slow with walking, yoga, swimming and interval training

2. Don't get stuck in one type of work-out - add some new stuff weekly to get all parts of your body exposed to strength training and various cardio routines

3. Workout with a friend in order to maintain long-term goals and to include a social component to your plan - a friend will keep you motivated and committed

Drinking. Unless you have indulgence or related health problems, a glass of wine or a beer isn't gonna hurt you:

1. Drink in moderation, with friends in a social setting or enjoy a glass of wine while preparing or at dinner

2. Avoid overconsumption - the point is to enjoy your drink and it's effects without overindulgence which leads to hangovers, embarrassment and regrets

3. Try something new occasionally to change it up a bit - try some new drink recipes for a dinner party or night out with friends

Friends. If you're expecting to make friends laying around all day in your jammies, well...good luck with that

1. Call a friend, even if you haven't talked in awhile - they're your friends and if they're good friends, they'll be there for you

2. Get the heck out of the house - home is good, but alone is boring, lonely and pathetic - don't be pathetic

3. Friends are better than spouses, dates or your career - don't neglect your social life, which btw, is pretty important for a healthy, active lifestyle

Career. Well, you need money and it isn't comin from a crappy job, so get your career on

1. Work like you'll be single forever and you need to make some serious cash because you don't want to know what a Medicaid wing in a nursing home is like

2. Have some ego going on at all times - you need a nice home, nice car and to look like your ex regrets leaving you - ya, you need that

3. Make your boss wish there were more than one of you - but make sure your boss doesn't rely so much on you that he wants you there on your vaca'.  Your career should compliment your life, not be your life 

Home. Okay. Home is good, but it's not home without living

1. Don't bury yourself in the part - your family is important and your home is house and family, but they need you healthy and happy - so let some of the supermom or superdad go once-in-awhile

2. Get it together - really don't give yourself too much time to get settled in the overworked and overstressed single parent routine  - get out there and be a "new you" instead of trying to hold down the fort - change your routine, add a class at the local community college or a new hobby - find some new ways to destress beside ice cream and Hulu® (which is okay on occasion btw)

3. Don't get hung up on the house, give it up if you need to - it's filled with memories of the past that won't really make you feel better, ya know?  If you keep-it, then keep it and work like heck to keep it updated and improved.  Don't let it remain a reflection of your former life - update it with your life and it will be a positive part of it - 

Okay.  Your spouse is gone.  Gone.

It kinda' ends like that.  Doesn't it.  Like a sentence that's cut short.  Don't get stuck on it, him or her.   Just replace your spouse with positive actions, goals for a better life and move forward.  It may not always be healthy, easy or perfect.  But, we aren't running a psychology clinic here.  It's the real deal, the real life drama team telling you to live a little and work a lot to make your life better.  That's the reason you left your spouse, to find a happier you and better life.  Now, go get to it.  It's out there, but first you have to believe in it and believe in yourself.


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