The divorce is finally complete.  You're fully entrenched in your new single lifestyle and totally ready to move forward.  You're ready to shed a few pounds, clean out the closets and dig into your career or education.  Right? 

Well, maybe not so much.

When in the actual process of divorce, you may feel you are in a constant state of going, doing, worrying and waiting.  You literally just want the whole process over, yet fear what's next. 

Mixed emotions

As the divorce comes to a close, you may find you are either supercharged with renewed energy to do all of the things you set out to do or you may feel like you can't seem to get out of first gear.  It's not uncommon to feel good about your new single life one day and defeated the next.

Word to the wise

While you may be totally ready to get the most out of life, be careful about how much you take on, how much you change and why you're doing it.  An active lifestyle is helpful following a divorce, but don't let it cloak your true feelings.  You need to express and explore your emotions in a healthy way, accept the changes in your life and initiate the best opportunities to achieve personal happiness.

Check please!

It's over.  Your ex is out of your life.  It's time to think like yourself and for yourself. 

The longer you were married, the more you shared similar attributes, interests and goals that may have conflicted with your individual aspirations.  It can be difficult to recognize initially, but you may still be thinking like a married person. 

When married, your feelings, thoughts and decisions may have been more satisfying to the marriage and mutual goals.  This happens over a long period of time with someone.  It's often so subtle you don't necessarily realize it.  Even if you and your spouse had a terrible relationship in the end, you may still have "I'm married" infused in your self-image, decisions and plans.

Now is the time to rediscover the parts of you that were suppressed for the benefit of the marriage.  The time you formerly spent with your spouse should now be time for you. 

What's a girl to do?

Take a class at the community college, work towards a new career goal, start a new water aerobics class, dance. 

If you formerly never prepared specific foods that your ex hated, get cookin'. 

Take complete advantage of your bed, it's all yours.  Sleep in the middle, sleep in a different direction, spread out and hog the blankets.

After a few months you're going to see yourself reemerge.  You won't be the same person you were before your spouse.  You'll be more mature, wiser and have a broader perspective of life. 

Don't let the bitterness of life's lessons cloud your perspective.  Instead, use the hard times and lost love as a means to contrast the good in order to give you a clearer picture of your potential.  The only wrong thing you can do at this stage is "nothing".  

You can't move forward focusing on the past

When you do nothing to move forward, your life flow is blocked and the waters get cloudy, stagnant and begin to damage your outlook.  Worse is when you're so focused on the past you can't possibly begin to make a positive stride towards a better future.  Life is moving in one direction, but you are pushing back in the other.  You can't get anywhere like this. 

While your perspective is bigger, your self-esteem gets diminished and your negative energy takes over.  All you'll see and feel is the bad stuff which generally attracts more attention than the good.  It becomes more difficult to find satisfaction in new things, friends or accomplishments because the negative feelings and emotions make each new, good thing feel small in comparison.  You may associate this time in your life with feelings of being stuck, missing something, bored, lost or even hungry. 

You need to seek 2-3 times more good in your life than bad in order to combat this.

How to get rid of negative emotions

When negative stuff pops up in your head, acknowledge it and let it go.  Get active, focus on family, work or fitness.   Start something new, accomplish attainable tasks and/or get creative.   

Really identify and concentrate on what you want.  It's also important that you continue to build on your accomplishments and complete new tasks..  The will discourage the past from constantly upstaging your positive energy.

Sometimes you just need to unwind.  Go out with your friends.  Try a little shopping therapy or join a meet-up. 

If the negativity keeps taking you off track, it may be time to locate a counselor or get into a local divorce group.  You may need to talk it out and really find ways to process what's happened in your life. 

It's time to take control of your life and discover the benefits of rediscovering yourself, likes and needs!  You don't have to subscribe to the whole new single woman's movement, but liberate yourself.  Get out and about.  Try new things and activities.

Don't be afraid to go places alone.  Let go of the smartphone and be present in the moment.  Just take it all in and you'll find it's the way to let it all out.  Free yourself, the check is paid!

-OurDMK.com