Divorce has a really bad habit of bringing up the past, encouraging it's participants to lose sight of their well-being and keeping them in a purgatory without peace, sex or dating until the divorce is complete.  Sheesh! 

So, we suggest, when the divorce is behind you, it's time to get a better life in front of you.  

It's time to get inspired and start rediscovering who you are and who you can become in the future.  Get active, get out there and meet new people.  It's time to discover and achieve more.

New.

Take a minute and think about what you want.  But, don't get lost in the moment.  Life is not a standstill event.  It's always changing.  Every minute of everyday.  Every heartbeat.  Every organ in our body supports our health with activity, some function to sustain life.  It's obvious that our physical state of being should include more activity than rest. 

Activity includes change.  And while change can be good, at times,  it may be unexpected and unwanted.  Ironically, changes like divorce can initiate an emotional upheaval that can result in an emotional stillness once the process is complete.  It's an exhausting and frustrating time in your life and it's common to be overwhelmed until you're not.  Once you reach this stage, it's easy to feel lost, stuck and unable to take the next step towards the rest of your life.

• Some of us hit the wall before the legal firestorm is over. 
• Some of us have an easy legal divorce and face a static storm of loss somewhere after "so long!" and so broke - lost - angry and alone. 
• Some of us keep the wild energy from of our divorce for a period right after.  We may feel we have conquered the difficult time in our life and are ready for anything only to wake up somewhere between "Can I buy you a drink?" and "Why is every new date worse than the last?". 
• Some are outwardly less affected by the divorce, though often are in a state of denial.  Eventually reality sets in and the emotional calming turns depression, turns poor decision making, turns worsened depression.

It's time to get up and out of the divorce damning slump.  Fight for a better life, the goal of going through divorce in the first place.  It's time to initiate one small step back towards mankind.  It's time to start something new.  Something just for you-  It shouldn't be something you need exactly.  It should be something you need.  Exactly!

It can be a new hobby, new social life, new start towards a better career.  We all know what it is - what we need to feel complete, healthy and forward thinking.  Often, we self-sabotage ourselves by blocking it with excuses, fear and apathy.  Nobody can tell you what you need like you.  Whatever it is, you need to initiate it.  Take the step, make the call and decide to take action to do something NEW for you.

You.

While we encourage you to find something new in your life, it's important to stay true to yourself.  A renewed focus on your life is very helpful, but remember to avoid changes for the sake of change.  Instead, focus on adding new positive things in your life that compliment the real you instead of changing into someone you're not.  

This means you may need to explore some changes you made while married that didn't make you a better person.  You need to remove or repair those relationships or issues that damaged your sense of self.  You'll need to realize the changes that positively improved your life over the years and before you were married, so that you also don't wholly rely on your past as a template for change.  Instead, recognize personal qualities, hobbies & interests that would make you happy, healthy and successful.  Some may be from when you were married, some as a young adult and some you never had an opportunity to achieve or explore.

You don't need to reinvent yourself to start a new positive path towards betterment.  Take it slow, but keep your life moving and you'll get to the right destinations.  When you get there, stay awhile and learn a lot.  It's these destinations that contribute to your wisdom, success and happiness. These stops on life's journay should improve YOU not reinvent you.

Too.

It's so easy to suffer a break-up that results in a lot of baggage and lost faith as part of the emotional settlement.  When we start to think about beginning a life with someone new, we still carry a lot of our pain from our previous relationship.  We use our baggage like a comparison for appraisal without realizing our perspective is rather toxic and mostly useless. 

It takes time to believe in love and have faith in a new dating partner.  Part of the journey is completed before we meet anyone.  We should have resolved our feelings about our past, our marriage and our ex.  We should have forgiven ourselves and either forgiven our ex or accept his/her shortcomings in an effort not to allow those flaws to continue to damage our life and future relationships. 

The other part can only be completed once we start the dating journey.  Eventually there will be the first meeting, first date, first relationship.  You may think you have closed all of those doors to your pain, loss and failures.  Then you meet someone new and it blows up in your face and theirs.  Your fears and frustrations (based on a past relationship) finds a way into your new relationship.   Suddenly, you're worried you're not ready to date again.  Suddenly, you're worried you will be doomed to live your life alone.

Well, guess what.  You're right and wrong.  You're right to take a chance and open a new door towards love once again.  You opened your heart and emotions to someone you like and you let him/her into the good, the bad and the ugly.  In doing so, you've proven to yourself that you want to find someone special in your life.  Dating, love and relationships aren't a perfect science.  It takes time to find the right person, so let go of the past and get your dating prowess in prime form.  The important thing is to realize some of the past issues that still bother you.  Then, either work to fix them or accept that some issues can't be fixed and let them go.  Don't let the issues from your past relationships damage your new one.  If it does, realize how it did and don't let it in again.  

It's okay to be wiser when forming new relationships based on the problems from past ones.  But, to avoid repetitive relationship problems, you will need to see your new partner without a comparison of your ex, your marriage or your life.  Let your new relationship stand on it's own as a symbol of the better life you seek.

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