We all fall victim to the inexplicable, brute force of negative events and bad luck.  Hardship, setbacks and loss are among the top life changing events for many. 

Healing after divorce

Any friend, author or doctor that says or even implies you should "just get over it" is either a liar or a naive authority.  He/she would yet to experience at least one unrecoverable, tornadic hell-spout of a life event.  This person would yet to have awakened to that one moment when he/she realizes life will never be the same again.  

More frightening, terrible things may happen.  But, by mid-life, divorce is that event that stops many of us in our tracks and makes us reevaluate our life direction and personal choices. 

Things will get better, but when?

While you may not be ready to get over the divorce immediately, coping with its aftermath and rebuilding your life eventually ensues.

Until then, many of us experience the fall into a never-ending abyss where a marriage ends and life-happily-ever-after begins.  It may seem as if this Stage of Divorce, when things (and you) remain unsettled and disjointed, will never stabilize.  

Divorce is not always to blame

Some of us don't need one "ah ha" moment.  We remain plagued by the perception that things never go our way.  The backward mantra manifests itself into our every decision and lack thereof.  Eventually life deteriorates and us along with it.

Perhaps this is parallel to the saying, "the rich get richer."  It personifies our acknowledgement and acceptance of a rough life.  It changes our ability to believe we can do anything we set our minds to, building self doubt, low self-esteem and lack of enthusiasm. 

This type of thinking can be recognized in the masses, categorized by gender, race, class, geography, world orders, religion and governments.  It's a very real, self-perpetuated stigma that regardless of demand for acceptance, recognition of equality and celebration of differences, is difficult to shed. 

It does not mean injustices, discrimination and oppression doe not lead to-, result from- or exist along side this negative outlook.  It means life may most certainly be harder for some, and there are perhaps hundreds of ways to keep it that way and one certain way to change it.  And I'm going to share that with you shortly.

Success is...

..something that many people of all walks of life, tax brackets and marital status struggle to attain and retain regardless if they have all the right stuff, make all the right moves and know all the right people.  It's value is right up there with good health and life.  Without happiness, even our greatest desires have less worth.  Without personal success and satisfaction, our own self-worth remains diminished.

No matter what leaves you feeling unsuccessful, you likely have plenty of reasons.  Some reasons may be outside your control.  In fact, even if you have the worst luck, the hardest of hardships, continuous setbacks and the most unfortunate events, success is a guarantee in life that each one of us can accomplish, you included.

Is your life making you feel unhappy or is your unhappiness ruining your life?

Clinical depression is not always responsible for one's lack of happiness and success.  Lack of happiness can be for many reasons.  Lack of personal success is often at the heart of it.  It's that sense of longing, missing something that is needed to make you whole.

This is what brings us back to our original message, "Hardship, setbacks, bad luck and unfortunate events - each us fall victim of the inexplicable, brute force of negative occurrences."

Regardless if you feel unhappy, unsuccessful or simply wonder how or why you should get up tomorrow morning and keep going, there is a way and a reason. 

First you need to change your outlook, then take action! 

You. Need. To TRY.

It has taken me many years and a lot of life scrapes and bruises along the way to realize that trying is everything.  

Humanity is growth.  After we consume, learn, earn and create, we seek more.  Nothing is more powerful than an activity that motivates us.  Regardless if we get educated, create, communicate, build, remove, heal or defend - trying, especially something that has the potential for a desired or necessary outcome builds confidence and self-assurance.

Regardless if we fail every time.  Regardless if what we provide is stolen, our world shattered, our life ruined - success starts when you get back up and try, try again.  It develops strength and perseverance that can lead to great power.  It's the difference between those who stop at failure and successful people who learn from it.

It won't always be easy.  It may be damn near impossible at times.  If everyone was capable of easily overcoming hardships and loss, DMK would not have nearly one million readers (and we would be publishing a blog about..? trendy fashion, cosmetics and supplements!? ).

Take a step before you leap 

Some of what motivates you may not be a desirable motivation, rather an outcome you need to attain.  

The key element is to focus on one step at a time.  If you focus only on the immediate challenge, even if that means just getting up in the morning and getting dressed, making your bed or going to work, the simple act of trying is living with purpose.  And that is what trying is all about.

Loss and Found

Loss

Difficult life events often involve paralyzing loss.  Activities of interest and action taken towards incremental goals can stop periods of idling and decline.  It will block more negativity than anything else that occurs during your hardship. 

Trying during these difficult periods of time consists of the power of doing more than you feel capable of doing.  If it presents a challenge, motivates, provides closure or develops opportunities, you have purpose.

Take action, try to overcome and achieve.

Found

The act of trying is success.  That's why anyone can find success in what they do. 

Once you realize the journey is as valuable as the destination, you'll find the true meaning of the value of success.  And once the journey becomes more important than the value of the destination you'll be sure to be experiencing personal happiness.  You'll experience the flow of life satisfaction while always trying to improve your health, wealth, mind, relationships and servitude.

Success is not only found in what you do (e.g. learn) or what comes of it (e.g. knowledge).  Success is in the activity (e.g. read).  This is what deposits successful intentions into the bank of you.  It's easy and affirming once you realize it.

Finding success at work

Even when you are working at a low paying job, you only feel like a failure when you stop trying.  A big reason for not trying is because you don't care.  Then, every customer, every keystroke, every phone call is annoying, relentless and seemingly never ending.  We continue to hate our job and find new ways to despise it daily.

It doesn't mean you need to stay at a job you do not like.  You simply must stop complaining and TRY to find another or solve the problem that holds you back and stay.

Short story

Years ago I was offered a job that payed fairly well but was difficult enough that nobody else was willing to do it.  I was so desperate, that even after I was told what it entailed, I accepted. 

Knee deep in short deadlines and an incredible amount of administrative duties, I feared I would never be able to keep up. 

Co-workers and support staff questioned my ability and wanted to pick my brain about why I would take such a demanding job.  How could I maintain my macho sales-esteem and tell them the truth?

I didn't even have but 35 cents for gasoline to get to work, much less money to go out with the gang for lunch to talk shop. 

No time or money for lunch

No.  I wasn't there to make friends or play office politics.  In fact, there simply was no time for lunch. 

My mortgage was in forbearance and everything was nearly 90 days late.  My spouse and I were about to lose everything.  I admit, the desperation was on my side at the time.  I had no choice but to try.  I had to try to turn things around for my family.  Success?  Personal happiness and satisfaction were never really on my mind, but clearly, if things worked out, I was sure to feel better about myself. 

Stress and stress and stress, oh my!

It didn't take long to start seeing results, but I was still discouraged.  It was a challenge to meet the deadlines, complete the orders, keep my sales up and keep everybody happy.  Then I went home to a completely different kind of stress.  Kids, bills, pets and household responsibilities.

Faced with tremendous hurdles, I was on the spot to pull out a few thousand dollars more in weekly sales.  With only a few minutes to brainstorm what I could do to increase my sales  I decided to do something that had never been done.  It wasn't wild and complicated.  It wasn't something new.  I didn't have time for all that. 

I dug into the old file cabinet in hopes to turn past customers back into weekly buyers.  I utilized a campaign that was already established to generate a few extra sales designed to cover weekly shortages for the territory.  But, instead of a few extra sales, I knocked it out of the ballpark, week after week.  

It was like a shark on steroids.  Some weeks, I increased revenues of the "go-to" filler by 1000%.  It made a difference, it got attention and made me money.  With added encouragement, I continued to succeed.  

Stop limiting yourself to what has been and start thinking about what could be.

I didn't make as much money as some people in my office and my sales territory was mostly behind the scenes and boring to the average onlooker.  But, I still found success.  

I stopped thinking with the limitations of existing expectations for the position, the existing sales programs and myself.  I developed a new outlook and after a few tries, I had a successful territory and career.  I was no longer operating on desperation.  All I had to do was try, and specifically, in a challenging role.  

Don't coast and success will come easy

Even when I had some low volume weeks, I quit worrying about the outcome and my paycheck because I knew that I was trying anything and everything, at home and at work to keep my life moving forward.  Success was inevitable.  Even now I see that it was not inevitable because of what I produced, but because I never stopped trying and always gave my all!  That's why I felt successful. 

The money and recognition naturally followed, and without a doubt, was added confirmation that I was needed, capable and creative.

So when you want to stop trying because it never leads to success, know that success is more about the journey than the destination.  Even when the journey has been rough, trying is the best way out.  Perhaps the only way out-

Try?  Try what?

What should you try to do?  That's entirely up to you and based on your needs, wants and situation.  It's not great to start out of desperation like I did, but a little fear, isn't so bad.  Use what lights the proverbial fire under your bottom and get going!

Sometimes trying comes with sacrifice and doing things that aren't ideal for immediate hopes and dreams.  But start there and step by step walk in the right direction towards a healthy, positive outcome.  Believe in yourself and your right to personal happiness and life satisfaction.  Below find some things on my long list of tries I did to improve my life,

• Learn        
• Ask 
• Earn
• Write
• Improve
• Date
• Watch
• Befriend
• Stay
• Invest
• Give 
• Marry
• Travel
• Believe
• Volunteer
• Leave
• Introduce
• Buy
• Divorce
• Elect
• Voice
• Sell
• Develop
• Quit
• Start
• Forgive

"Most of my success came to me when I didn't try." said no self-made happy person anywhere.

There are some painful things mixed in my list, yes.  But other good actions and intentions overpowered what held me back. 

I'll never be the one to tell you a life without positive outcomes is a life filled with happiness and success. When you get stuck in a life with no traction (like when I had no money for gasoline or lunch), I challenge you to prove you care about something, someone and yourself. I challenge you to try, try again.

Success is living, not just attaining.  Still don't believe me?  Start your own list, and by the time you reach halfway thru, tell me you can't achieve more value in your life and personal happiness when you go for it.  That is success!

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