If you're feeling tied down by your financial obligations following divorce, you are not alone. Many realize their financial commitments following the end of a troubled marriage only marry them to another problem relationship, with debt!
In fact, according to a survey (specific to divorce and debt) conducted by Debt.com, a financial education and guidance site, 63% of respondents incurred $1,000 or more of debt because of their divorce. Most of those respondents indicated a divorce debt load over $5,000.
This vulnerability leads many of us to lack the financial independence necessary to rebuild our lives and achieve personal happiness. Divorce in and of itself is meant to unhinge us from the burden of an unhappy marriage that kept us from accomplishing our individual success. And yet, our debts are still like an old ball and chain from which we can't cut ourselves loose.
Married to debt, imprisoned by...
While many of us may have good grounds to be in debt, some of which are not of our own doing; none of us have a good argument to stay in it. In other words, the reason we are stuck with these burdens is far less important than the reason we fail to do the right thing to get rid of them.
Specifically, our sentencing is as a direct result of our failure to get out of debt not the dumb *ss decisions that got us into it (just like any marriage gone bad).
Yet, just like most divorces, many spouses focus so hard on the reasons for divorcing they fail to make the tough decisions and take the difficult first steps to move forward toward a better future.
Break free.
It's easier to just stay indebted when the going gets tough rather than to face the solution-oriented tasks that require sound reasoning, cutbacks, and demanding work. Do many of us have good reasons to be frustrated with and angry that we have these burdens? Um. Ya.
But none of those reasons are going to solve the problem. Our DMK team have a couple of ideas that may help you end your unhealthy relationship with your debt! If you're ready, let's get started!
Do as I say, not as "I do"
Take our advice. Stop spending like a married person.
Regardless of divorce laws regarding both spouses having the right to maintain the same lifestyle by which they are accustomed to living when married, the bottom line is that most individuals feel squeezed when divorcing.
It's time to admit to yourself that no matter who left who or why the marriage is over, it's over and that means less money coming into the household, more household debts to manage on a single income (even if it includes support) and you each have a portion of previous marital debt and expenses from the divorce.
If that isn't clear enough, simply recognize that you and your ex have twice as much housing costs than before. Two households cost more than one. Duh!
Simple advice.
Stop grocery delivery, car washes and lawn care services. No more daily Frappuccinos® and Red Bulls®. Paint your own nails, stop buying games like Minecraft®, and shoes at Macys®. No more fast food, expensive low carb beer, and seltzers. Stop vaping, it's expensive and bad for you. Cut back on streaming services and check out movies and books from the local library instead. Need we say more?
Okay we'll say more.
Think you're saving big money at Costco and Sams? Think again! If you can't stick to the essential items without walking away with a baked chicken, cheesecake, or cookies then it's time to discontinue the shopping clubs.
Don't hyperfocus on the above ideas specifically, they obviously may not apply to all of you. You know your weaknesses better than anyone though and nearly all of us overspend on something.
The advice is more about accepting you are single and need to spend less.
Simply single. Simply less household money to go around. Double Duh!
Example of a financial problem (One credit card used to pay extra legal and housing expenses during the divorce, balance = $1,800)
Spend less and use the extra cash to pay off debt.
- Skip the Red Bull® ($2.49/day) every weekday - SAVE $647.40/yr
- Discontinue one streaming service per month ($14.99/mo) - SAVE $179.88/yr
- Shop your own groceries weekly ($13.99/wk ,plus tip $5/wk) - SAVE $987.48/yr
With a few changes to spending and no additional income, you just found the money needed to pay this example debt off in one year!
Now brainstorm about what you could cutback on to pay off one of your debts. This example is meant for a smaller debt so that your cutbacks are reasonable. This way most anyone can accomplish paying off at least one debt within the next year.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, debt on me.
Debts come easy, but paying for them, not so much. While much of your debt may have come from situations and legal fees because of your divorce, there may be debts that are just recurring nightmares that never go away and keep proliferating. WHY!?
You may know exactly when you applied for your latest credit card and understand your reasoning behind another debt, but if you're wondering if there may be more to it, you are right!
More than a feeling. It's a debt!
Extended credit calms, it secures and soothes. It provides for us. Sometimes it stimulates and energizes us. Credit cards boost our ego and self-esteem. They give us...anything. Installment loans make it happen. They fill in the blanks and simply give us what we want like we have an extra source of income or a rich uncle.
Yes, neurotransmitters, endorphins and dopamine are triggered when we spend, pay and purchase! It's ALL GOOD, until the bill comes. Then another bill and another. Pretty soon, we need more stimulation, security, and increased self-esteem to overcome the backlash of bills with our name on it.
First, we are fine. We may think, "What were we thinking?" But we pay those bills, on time and with a little extra on top. But month after month, the bills get bigger and come more often. Pretty soon we're over extended. Collectors are calling and the new due date is 29 days past due.
So. Beyond, "What was I thinking", we suggest it's more about what were you feeling? These feelings are like a high. It's time to find your triggers to new debts and higher balances and avoid them. Your debt could be because of a spending addiction and/or debt dependency.
Recognize the feelings and situations you are experiencing that lead you to seek more credit. Don't just avoid those but realize what leads to those feelings and situations and make changes in your life to avoid them.
Example of a financial problem (One credit card used to supplement expected expenses like new tires, back to school shopping, new kitchen table to replace the table your spouse took)
Debts are a result of more than poor financial decisions. They are because of low self-esteem, financial exhaustion, and spending addictions. Get help, make changes, and avoid triggers.
- Instacart® (1 batch- 75 minutes) or UBER® (1 ride - 60 minutes) each day for 90 days (Daily earnings - $25) - plus $2,250
- Purchase a used table from Goodwill® and purchase some new paint and supplies to refurbish table and 6 chairs - Subtract $85
- Purchase school supplies and kid's clothes from Target® and Walmart® early to ensure a larger selection. - Subtract $350
- Avoid malls and high-end retailers. Consider retailers like Plato's Closet (young adult resale) to sell last year's clothes and buy new resale items. Add $57/ Subtract $129
- Get numerous quotes for tires. Don't just use the same garage that gave you good deals on other tires because the costs change based on the tires, season and shop's current costs and deals. Walmart has some of the best deals. Whatever you do, when buying tires, never ever go to the dealer! - Subtract $890/4 tires
With a few changes to spending and earnings, you just added 4 new tires, a reclaimed kitchen table, new kid's school supplies and kid's clothes & made room for said clothes by selling a bunch of gently used teen clothes to the resale shop. Plus, you have an extra $853 at the end of 90 days. That's a win-win!
They key to success,
- Dedicate the extra hour every day for a period preceding your need, e.g., tires, school-supplies
- Look ahead towards your upcoming needs and obligations so that you have time to prepare and earn money
- Don't over commit yourself (leading to burn-out)
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