Dating after divorce isn't easy.  It's especially difficult when you're considering the feelings of your entire family.  Your children have gone through this divorce with you.  The idea of a new relationship between a parent and another person can be threatening to them. 

Don't ask permission, but encourage a dialogue

If your children are old enough, it's best to discuss your plans to start dating before you meet someone.  Be upfront with your children so that they have time to adjust prior to introducing a new person into their lives.  Be ready for concerns, questions and some negative feedback in the beginning.  While it's important to let each child communicate his/her feelings, you must also make them aware that you are not asking for their permission to start dating.  Rather, initiate a conversation about plans to begin dating and encourage their feedback.  Provide assurance that you're not trying to replace their other parent.

Wait until the time is right

Once you begin to develop a relationship with someone, you'll eventually want to introduce them to your children.  Remember that your children will have different reactions to your new relationship.  Make sure you take your time before deciding if you and this special person are ready to make that next step to introduce him/her to your kids.  If you're not sure this person is ready for a commitment, you may want to hold off.  If things don't work out with your new dating companion, your kids may be affected.  If this situation happens too often, they may develop feelings of abandonment and the newly failed relationship(s) can bring back problems original to the divorce. 

Should you discuss your introduction with the co-parent?

This is very dependent on your relationship with the co-parent.   Your choice should be based on the best interest of your children.  Don't tell him/her in an attempt to create jealousy or as a reaction to his/her new relationship(s).  

Pros

It might be a good idea to keep the co-parent informed regarding your plans to introduce your children to your significant other.  It keeps your children from being asked uncomfortable questions or surprising the co-parent with your children's introduction to someone the parent may not know about.  While you're not asking the co-parent for permission to make the introduction, your notice helps build a stronger relationship with the co-parent in the best interest of your mutual children. 

Cons

If you feel your former spouse would be unreasonable about your new dating life, try to sabotage it or react poorly, then it's perfectly okay to omit discussions with him or her about it.  However, don't ask your children to lie to their parent to avoid a discussion.  

Don't over plan or overthink it

When you're ready to make the introduction of your new dating partner to your kids, keep it simple.  Perhaps a trip to a park or pool followed by lunch or dinner so that your kids have the chance to talk and bond with you as a couple.  The relationship may not start overnight, so be patient.   It's common for kids to initially  "not like" anyone you date.   

Keep an open dialogue with your children while your new relationship grows.  Give your children time to adjust and don't rush things.  If the person is right for you, usually your kids will like him/her too.  If not, it's important to listen and understand why they don't.  Share their reasons with your new dating partner and work together to satisfy your children's concerns.  

If concerns lead to problems and you're sure you want to pursue your new relationship, it may be helpful to seek family counseling for professional guidance.  

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References: Single Parenting. Advice for single parents who date with children. Very Well Family. Jennifer Wolf 9/25/2018 ,IMAGE PROVIDE BY MABELAMBER/PIXABAY

-OurDMK.com



Disclaimer

The information provided by respective owner's ("we", "us" or "our) on Divorce Me Knot (referenced also as "DivorceMeKnot.com", "dmk", "DMK", "OurDMK.com", "OurDMK", "application" or "site") is for general informational purposes only and is subject to change with or without notice. All information on our site and application is provided in good faith, however we make no representation, guarantee or warranty of any kind, express or implied, regarding the accuracy, validity, adequacy, reliability, availability or completeness of any information on the site or application.

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