You're divorced or separated and you're wondering if you should wait for a specific period of time before you start dating. There are a tremendous amount of opinions on this issue.

Depending on your source and reasons to date, the answers can either be helpful or detrimental to getting through your final stages of divorce. These stages include letting go and moving forward in your life.

You don't have to go to multiple sites or friends and family to ask their opinion. We went ahead and listed some answers based on the type of source and reasons you may want to date. We did this because the simple answer to this question will obviously be based on your personal situation and lifestyle. Truly no one can tell you if you're ready; but many opinions can help you weigh the pros & cons in order to determine the answer that's best for you.

Your single friends would say...

We say get out there and date as soon as the ink is dry on the divorce papers. You're not getting any younger and life doesn't just happen. You have to live it. If you still have feelings for your ex or feel sad over the loss of your marriage; a new relationship can be the best way to get your mind off such dreadful concerns.

Don't expect to fall in love right away either. Take your time, but live a little! The sooner you get out there and start dating, the sooner you'll be able to meet the right person to fall in love with-

Your self-help book might say...

This is a very personal issue that only you will be able to answer. It's better not to rush into a relationship or dating until you feel like you're in a "healthy place" regarding emotions and feelings following your divorce. Otherwise, the likelihood of the issues from your marriage and divorce seeping into your new dating life or relationship are very high.

The pain and sadness that you feel will not just go away by dating. So, if you're looking for a way to feel better after your divorce; the last thing you want to do is feed your sadness and feelings of disappointment with one night stands or relationships used to ignore the problems in your life. Instead, seek counseling or attend group therapy where you can talk through your problems with your peers and trained therapists. This will help you explore better ways to cope with your problems in order to prepare you for a healthy dating life in the future.

Your married friends could say...

Take your time, but don't give up on the opposite sex or the dating scene. I know you may not be ready right after the divorce; but when you are, we have a friend that you need to meet. By the way, are you sure you are totally over your ex? Have you two talked? Even if you're divorced, maybe you two could work it out. You were a really cute couple and it would be great if you two could make it work. We miss you as a couple, but support both of you in finding the right person. Give it some thought and definitely don't start dating until you are sure you are totally over your ex.

That being said, don't be a stranger. I know you think we don't know how crappy you feel right now and maybe you're right. But, we want to be there for you as much as possible.

Those who have been there, done that would say...

Don't date until you are divorced, it can totally mess-up your settlement and make things so complicated. But don't be afraid to get out there and start being more social during your separation. You don't have to live in limbo with nothing but work, kids and housework. If you don't get out much then that has to change. Join a fitness program, club or join a meetup group. By the time you are divorced you will already be in a better place socially. The more socially adept you feel, the better choices you will make when you decide to date.

Don't expect the first person you meet to replace your ex. Be cautious when you date online and know that despite your initial concerns, most of us ended up dating online. Prepare. It's different, faster and most people have some baggage; but, it's still the best place to meet new people. Keep it positive and have fun!

Girl's dating advice

Give your heart some time to heal. But don't wait too long. Don't go on too many blind dates. Be picky about the people you meet online. Confidence in what you seek in a dating companion says a lot about you. It's not time to settle for mister "ok", look for the right person instead of the right situation. Don't do anything that you will regret. It just makes you feel worse later. So, when dating, look like the "night" but think like the next "day".

Don't bring up your ex, your divorce or your troubles. Don't get into too much about the kids either. Some guys aren't tuned into family stuff when you are in the beginning stages of dating. It may be your "world", but they aren't yet living in it. So keep your topics of conversation light and fun until you meet someone you really like.

Guy's dating advice

Date when you want. Don't get too serious for awhile. It will give you more time to find the right person and really find out what you want. Then, be upfront about what you seek in a girlfriend. If you aren't looking long term, just say that. Otherwise, she is gonna blow up your phone wondering why you never call or text and that isn't worth it. Don't always fall for the picture online. Most times, it's a bit outdated anyway.

Don't get into a conversation about your ex. It won't help in your new relationship. Never ever say your ex is "crazy", even if she is. Apparently, most divorced guys think this of their ex wife and saying it will not get you points. How you talk of your ex wife says a lot about you. You don't have to lie. But, if you still sound bitter and angry, you probably are and your date will see right through that. So, try to stay focused on your likes and hobbies, not your past and "crazy ex". Think about what will be more likely to get you a second date.

Your pocketbook would indicate...

Don't date until you're divorced. Then, unless you really like your attorney and her fees, find the right person before you remarry.  When you do, assume you haven't and hire an attorney for a pre-nup.  It's cheaper then the last divorce.

-OurDMK.com



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