If it's been a while since you dated, you may be nervous about what to talk about on a first date. Say the right thing that makes you both smile, lose track of time and fall for each other, then a second date is very probable.  Say the wrong thing and well, you'll definitely be going home single.

Weird grocery clerk, top talk on dates

The most important thing to remember when talking to someone you just met is to start the conversation on light, varied subjects.  Part of knowing you made a connection with someone (aka "sparks fly", "hit-it-off" or "have chemistry") is when you start the conversation that way and you both end up talking for hours about everything from politics to the grocery clerk at the local supermarket with the weird tattoo. 

You won't even remember how you got on the subject of grocery stores, but by the end of the conversation you'll have laughed a bit, found your date more attractive and if you're a man wondered what your date is like in bed. 

If you're a woman you'll have wondered what your kids would look like (or if he lies, cheats, knows how his socks actually make it into a hamper, has a good job, has money, owns a condo and/or is good in bed - it's 2019 for goodness sake and women think of everything...on the first date).

While a good conversation can happen between any two people, the art of communication is an essential component in a lasting romantic relationship.  If you or your date have nothing to talk about outside of the weather by the end of date 1 or 2, you likely don't need a another date to realize this one was a dud.  

If you have a problem just getting things started, then we have some great talking points to spark a good conversation.  But, you'll have to do the rest. Don't worry, we have ideas for that too.  So let's get started.

Top conversation starters

These are designed to see what sparks your date's interest, so that you can expand on the subject or step into other subjects.  Don't overthink it or "interview" her.  Your conversation should be natural.  If your date doesn't chime in on a topic, move on and quickly.

  • Ask about your date's day - Simple is better.  Knowing what she did that day can provide you a great number of topics to discuss.
  • Talk about your day - Obviously important too.  If it was bad, don't get too personal, just make light of it and show you have a positive outlook even when things are bad.  Serious issues or really bad days are best expanded on later in the relationship.
  • Ask for her opinion or help - Depending on your dates personality, she may respond to being helpful or expanding on a subject she understands and that you would like to also understand with her help.   Be sincere and ask about what you truly find interesting.
  • Weather - Seems cliché but it's a common topic that anyone can talk on.  Used mostly as a segue into other topics or as a quick filler before the conversation actually starts.
  • Appearance - Genuine compliment related to your dates appearance or outfit works especially if it clearly represents a common interest (like a screen-t with a favorite band or watch, glasses, piercing, tattoo).  
  • Movie  - Bring up a new movie you've been wanting to see and any reviews, then discuss the reason you want to see it.
  • TV Show - Talk about a show you've been binging and ask if your date has any new shows she's watching
  • Music and Concerts - What kind of music your date likes will also tell you a lot about her personal tastes and style.  Ask her about her favorite bands and concerts.
  • Pets - Tell a funny story about your pet(s).
  • Weekend plans - Instead of what your date usually does on the weekend, ask if she had a busy day or weekend to bring up a conversation about her - ask about future plans for the remainder of the weekend or next weekend when you've established a connection.  You can do this to when things start to stall or the conversation slows down.  It's a good way of asking for another date.
  • Grammys, Oscars, Golden Globe - Hopefuls, celebrity gossip, favorite song - movie - actress and comparisons from past achievements in the entertainment industry.
  • Traveling - Places you've been, want to go and never want to live.  Then why. (Oh! And, don't brag about your travels, it just sounds pompous).
  • Career - Ask about your date's career.  Show genuine interest, but don't let your careers overtake the conversation.  It's not a job interview.
  • Apps - Talk about an app you downloaded lately that you're still trying to figure out.  Sometimes it will be a mutual problem with a common app or your date may be able to help you out.  Either way, it establishes a connection.
  • Family and home - Ask about your date's family, where she grew up or how long she's lived in the area.  
  • Books - Talk about a book you're reading and if she has any favorites.
  • Talk about a funny thing that happened recently - Bring up a relevant and funny incident that, after talking for awhile, you think your date would find funny too.

This is the way it takes off

Just like the list of conversation starters, this paragraph is about getting things going so that the relationship really takes off.  The conversation starters are brief common topics, non-offensive, points of interest used to "break the ice".  Just relax and let the conversation take a turn towards other topics.  If things get quiet or slow down, go back to a conversation starter or ask a question. 

But generally, the conversation should be fluid, like this paragraph whereas the talking points are conversation "wake me ups" like the bulleted list. 

Eventually, you MUST get past conversation starters or be really, really good looking (and even that won't get you too far in any one relationship if you don't have good communication skills).

Keep the conversation going

Think of topics of interest that are positive and/or thought provoking.   Don't get too deep into any one subject and make sure you ask questions, make reasonable eye contact and stay respectful.  Don't talk to your date like she's one of the guys.  Just don't. 

Don't do all the talking.  If your companion starts to glaze over or quits talking then this indicates you're dominating the conversation and usually about something disinteresting to her.  One of you may talk more than the other, but you both should contribute.

Never ever fall into the common conversation traps about your ex, finances or problems. Your date may ask, but she is not offering to be your counselor, so keep it light and mostly positive.  This doesn't mean you shouldn't be honest about your former spouse, marriage or divorce, just don't get carried away on the first few dates. 

Keep the relationship moving forward or let it go


Life is too short to be with the wrong person.  Don't be afraid to ask for more as time goes on (time together, intimacy, commitment, etc.) if that's what you want.  Only you and your date will know what that means and when. 

When it comes to intimacy or casual sex, just be clear from the beginning.  If that's all you seek, let her know.  But, if you're looking for intimacy right away and a long-term thing, tread lightly and be clear.  She may feel the same way.  But, don't be too pushy.  It may ruin your chances for more dates together.

Let go.

Regardless, seek a relationship with someone who wants you as much as you want her, so if it doesn't work out, move on and find the right person.  And, yes great conversations and first dates can lead to nowhere sometimes.  Don't freak out.  Just move on.  It may be her hang up and nothing to do with you.

If it happens a lot, then you need to review this process again and consider you may be the only one enjoying the conversation and dates.  Also, consider your appearance, venue for the dates, manners or behavior.  Most can be addressed once you recognize them.           OurDMK.com


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