As I re-entered the dating world at 31, I couldn't help but feel old.  So much had changed since I'd been "available" and I still wasn't sure I was ready for the challenge.

In the beginning...

My divorce seemed to last longer than my marriage.  And my marriage was mostly just years of pre-divorce.  Still, I wasn't totally ready for the "new me" my yoga instructor and divorce attorney promised.  Yes, I found my Zen and lost my a$$.  But I'm pretty sure I only gave up bitterness to find some pain." foot-in-mouth

Journal of my dating journey

Less than one month available

The bitterness has faded quite a bit and weeks ago I decided to get out there and let the past go.  According to the world of online dating, I have so much going for me (at least so I've been told). 

"I'm so attractive, pretty,  ..have lovely eyes."  I'm still waiting for one single guy to mention anything in my profile besides my looks.

I've joined most dating sites and have had umpteen conversations with what could be autobots selling me their latest subscription of Better Homes and @!$holes.  But still, I'm not too sure.  Most conversations are short and end in an aimless abyss of, "...are you still interested?"

And clearly my answer is, "No."

Undereducated in the world of online dating

I feel like I need a college course in dating.  It’s not too bad though.  I know it's just a new dating world that we all need to appreciate.  And while online dating may be foreign to most of us, truth be told, it just seems like the best place to meet someone.  How did we ever find the right people to date before?  Could that be why so many of us get divorced? hmm...

Now we can select the exact person we want based on just about every personal detail.  Of course, we have to look past the mega selfies, but even I find myself opening all the pictures of each guy before I read a darn thing about him. 

As I comb through what seems like endless eye candy, I can't help but feel as though I'm shopping at my neighborhood grocer.  The whole experience seems so impersonal, but at the same time kinda' totally habit forming.  I find myself looking, chatting, winking and messaging complete strangers about things I really would never share with complete strangers. 

At some point I start to think how weird the whole thing has become, but then some super-hot guy starts a chat and I'm totally plugged-in once again.  At least until I ask, "..are you still interested?" and clearly I understand his answer is, "No".

If I don't meet him online, where will I meet him?!

This guy at work keeps asking me out, but I can't help but think about what would be in his profile.  Based on what I know of him I'm pretty sure I would never wink in his direction.  But I'm kinda' considering going out with him for the sake of moving forward in my life.  It would really help if he wasn't driving a Vespa.  How will that work exactly?

I play volleyball with a group of friends and meet guys all the time.  But none of them really seem interested.  My friends tell me I need to flirt or show them I'm interested.

Wait? I thought I was already doing that.  I mean, really!  This dating thing is going to be a bigger challenge than once thought.

Should I change my hair, my clothes, my make-up?  Should I laugh when they aren't funny?  Should I show I care, I'm listening, I'm smart?  What the heck do they want?!

After two months

Good news

I finally met someone, and he asked me to dinner.  He was great.  We talked and talked.  He was charming, good looking, educated and employed.  He was still a little bitter about his ex, but I let it slide because, well, he was charming, good looking, educated and employed.  Plus, aren't we all still a little bitter.  

He paid for dinner and asked for another date.  I went home and thought my two long months of online dating paid off.  I finally met a great guy.  All was good.

Then the bad news

He sent me a text later that week that said our date would have to wait, he would be out of town.  Again, no text.  Another week passed and finally, I sent him a text.  He responded shortly saying he was just busy with work.  All was good.

Another week passed and on my way to an appointment for work he called.  Finally!  But the news wasn't good.  He called to tell me that he had two girlfriends that have come back into his life.  What?!  Two? Seriously?!  Didn't he just get divorced? All was not good.  Guys suck!

After six months

I'm starting to think the autobots aren't so bad.  It's like I keep meeting the same awful guy.  The pickins' are getting slim and most of my memberships have expired with no luck.  The guy at work is looking hotter and hotter every day!  I figure I can drive if we go on a date (not that-that's entirely the issue).  We laugh and have really good chats when we aren't super busy.  I just transferred to another department and somehow, we seem to talk more now than when we worked together.

One year

So, the guy at work got fired and I never really got passed the vespa thing.  The good news was that a couple months ago I decided to renew one of my online dating memberships and I somehow met a really nice guy the first week after I renewed.  

He was just right from the get-go.  His comments were about my picture and my written profile.  We met at a local coffee shop and talked for over an hour.  We've been on several dates, and he's been pretty darn awesome.  I'm not sure where it will go, but we both have similar interests, background and goals.

Three years

So, last year Mr. Right and I moved in together.  Things haven't been without our fair share of issues.  He said, "I love you" first and I was totally ready for it.  But, then things seemed to cool off.  Finally, I realized we weren't really taking the next steps that both of us really wanted to take.  Once we realized we were both really apprehensive about moving too fast, everything just got better.  We both relaxed and the relationship got stronger.

I'm not sure who brought up living together.  My lease was up soon and eventually my looking for a place turned into us looking for a place.  He asked me to marry him two months later. 


Life is good. 

I don't think about my last marriage much and neither of us talk about our past relationships.  But we do know each other's history with our ex's and what went wrong.

I'm glad it took a while for us to meet.  It gave me a chance to totally get over my frustration with my last marriage so that when the right guy came along, I was ready.

Not that I am one to give advice, but I'll say this...

It's pretty simple.  If your mad, sad, angry and bitter after your last break-up, be that way.  It's normal.  When you're done, be done.   Don't settle for the wrong person.  Be ready to meet a lot of the wrong people before you meet the right one.  It takes time.  Don't rush it and don't buy any magazines from autobots.  Be careful about talking to strangers and avoid most dates on vespas.  But we all know, that wasn't really the problem.  

Love takes time.  Healing from love takes everything, or so it seems.  Once you realize it hasn't, the right person will be in your heart and on one knee.


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