So, the first date was pretty good.  Should you call or should she?  You've been texting since your date, but another date hasn't been mentioned and it's been a week.  Now what?

First date success

Okay, you made all the right choices when you planned your first date.  You felt the date went pretty good and you're hopeful she feels the same. 

It's always best to ask for the second date at the conclusion of the first.  The next date doesn't have to be planned to the minute, but you could ask if your date is free the following weekend for a second date.  This way, she has the whole weekend to choose the best day based on her schedule.  It also eliminates the "who calls who" second date scenario.  Before you end the evening, tell her you'll text in the next couple of days. 

How do you know if she's into you? (one, some or all of the following)

  • She smiles a lot (obviously).
  • She laughs at your jokes (trust me, they're not always as funny as you think).
  • She makes good eye contact (while you're talking).
  • She can't hold eye contact while smiling (also good -  it means she likes you, but feels vulnerable).
  • She is equally involved in the conversation (you are both talking, laughing and having fun).

Who pays for the second date

Unless your date indicates she would like to pay, you should still pay for the date.  If she indicated she would like to go Dutch on the first date, again offer to pay, but respect her decision to split the tab if she suggests it.

Why the second date is different from the first

Go together

Unlike your first date, in that you probably met somewhere, this time you should pick her up and go somewhere together.

Make it meaningful

You've had a chance to get to know each other and the first few dates are definitely "make it or break it" dating.  So, keep your common interests in mind when planning the second date.  

Think about the first date

If your first date was a success, keep certain elements of it in the second date too.  

K.I.S.S.

Yes.  Kissing is a good idea on the second date.  But more over, Keep It Super Simple.  Don't over-plan your time together.  Make it about getting to know each other more than an overwhelming evening with too much on the agenda.  When it comes to the kiss, don't overthink it, do what feels right and not rushed. 

Ideas for the second date 

Make it a day date

Rent bikes or scooters at a local park or city, attend a ballgame, rent a paddle boat at a local lake or go on a short trail walk.  After any of these, have lunch or dinner at a local bistro or diner.  Keep it casual with emphasis on enjoying each other's company while getting to know each other.

Music

Enjoy part of the evening at a local pub or restaurant that has live music like acoustic guitar on the patio.  Avoid loud concerts, theatre or live music indoors that limits your time getting to know your date.  

Dinner

Select a cuisine you both like and make reservations or "call ahead seating".  The worst thing you could do is go somewhere with your date and wait 2 hours to be seated.  If neither is possible, let your date know there may be a wait and pick a place that has a nice bar or patio where you two can relax and chat while waiting.

Attend an event 

Buy tickets for an upcoming event, show or convention where you can walk and talk while taking in the exhibits, art or whatever.

Mutual hobbies

Don't overdo this one, but if there is a mutual interest or hobby, include some part if it on your date.  

What not to do

No last minute cancelations

Many women take about 1-2 hours to get ready for a date.  Plus, once they set a date, they don't make any other commitments on that day and time.  So, if you're going to cancel, it's best to cancel the day before so she can make other plans.  The very last thing your should do is cancel within 2 hours of your date. 

Finally, at the same time you are canceling offer to reschedule.  Just make sure the new date is on a day and time you are available.

No repeats

Regardless if you had a great time, don't just repeat your first date.  Select some aspects of it that were a success, but the second date should be different.

Don't make it about you (maybe date 5 or 6, but not date 2)

Just because your date showed genuine interest in something you like, don't make the date completely about you.  That's rude.  It should be mostly with her in mind and your mutual interests considered.  Otherwise, do what you want and plan another first date with someone else.  Just saying...

Don't dress, smell or look bad

Shower, shave (beard exceptions), deodorant, hair gel, mouthwash are essentials (regardless if you think you need them).  Don't look and act like you're super tired.  If you're too tired, reschedule (sooner than later).  Your clothes should be clean and winkle free.  

Immature, dude behavior

Be a gentleman.  Don't: come on too strong, be too handsy or act impolite. 

Do all gentleman-like things even if she says you don't have to.  It's okay to be yourself, but you should still ultimately think like a gentleman.  Don't assume she wants to go back to your place because that's what you want.   Don't spit, cuss or talk with food in your mouth.  (I know it shouldn't need to be said, but...).

Flirting, arrogance and showing off

Don't be "what may be considered" flirtatious with any other women, your server, bartender or good friends.  Don't be rude or arrogant to her or other people around you; don't make-fun of others.  Don't show-off no matter your proficiencies and how perfect you would look to do so.  It just comes off as very imperfect and self-centered.

Ignoring your date

Don't bring your date along like she is a trophy date while you mingle and talk with friends (difficult because most guys who do this have absolutely no idea they are doing it - so think carefully and don't discount this one unless you are sure you aren't this way).  Don't walk away from your date in a room full of people she doesn't know.  Regardless how socially adept she is, it's rude and indicates getting to know and spend time with her is not your priority.

Safety concerns

Understand your date may not be thrilled about anything you plan in a private residence or isolated location.  One date doesn't mean you "know" each other.  You could just be a patient serial killer.

Hands off

No reason to act like you are on a date with your sister.  You should show affection in some way that indicates you like her more than a friend.  Don't make her do all the work.  Just don't be a perv.

Don't talk about your ex

Just don't.  

Don't drink too much

Don't keep buying her drinks unless she asks for them.  It could end in a disaster.  Don't "police" her drinking either.  If she acts like a lush on the date, there may either be a reason or she may just be a heavy drinker.  Either way it may be best to end it early.

Don't control the entire conversation

And don't rely on her to do all of the talking.  Talk about things you both like or things that she responds to with interest.  If she starts to get quiet, know that it's time to change the conversation, mood or venue.  Keep the date fun!                -OurDMK.com



IMAGE BY PIXABAY/RAWPIXEL

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