Divorce can drape a period of darkness over you that can easily cloud your perspective.  This could lead to lost faith in love and ever finding it again. 

So, before I offer suggestions about where to find love, I'm going to start this article by just asking, "What is love anyway?"

What is love anyway?

That's really an important question following divorce because many of us start our new single lives looking through a distorted breakup lens. This easily distorts our expectations and our belief in lasting love.

In other words, negative feelings about your marriage, divorce, or ex (no matter if well deserved) should not continue to develop negative sentiments about love.

My definition and suggestions may not surprise you, but they may redirect your search that currently may be off course. My hope is that you call-to-mind what you really seek and why. 

Love defined.

LOVE [luv] noun, verb:

1. love, loosely defined by this would-be writer degreed in divorce and halfwits, is a strong feeling that may include affection, admiration, empathy, and compassion; it may also represent a pleasure or great interest
2. it can also mean to like someone or something a whole bunch 

Love is easily found and lost.  It can be made, confessed and desired.  It has been known to bring about jealousy, rage and produce great pain and agony.  Love is fluid yet perplexing all at once.  It can make us sick, blind, and struck. 

Despite any doubts of obtaining lasting love, most of us still seek it, relentlessly.  Love and happiness are two components of a fulfilling life.  

Got Faith? Got love.

Much like our faith in God, even when something or someone barricades our ability to believe, we may find comfort in knowing that despite our doubts, fears and grief, our faith is enough to provide support and guidance.  Such comfort may be the first step towards recovery from any loss in one's life.  

Just like faith in your belief system or religion, faith in love is a crucial step away from a painful experience such as divorce.

Divorce. 

See it for what it should lead to and not for the immediate feelings it precipitates.

Divorce is not a period of anti-love, it's a difficult and often painful life event that puts a stop to a once-loving-relationship that damages one or both spouse's life and/or potential for real, lasting love. 

Divorce can be a beginning, not an end, but only if you believe in new beginnings more than lost love. 

Still lost, doubting, looking? 

No worries.  You are not alone.  Following a divorce or bad breakup, like I mentioned earlier, many of us feel jilted and skeptical. 

We may need help finding our way back to love, faith in ourselves and the goodness of others.

So, if you've asked yourself, "Where's the love in my life?" 

I say, "First you should know where it isn't." (...or at least where you shouldn't be looking to find- or replace it. )

• You won't find it in food, alcohol, or drugs.
• Most won't find it in a rebound relationship.
• Few find it in an affair or with someone willing to have one.
• Your lawyer, the judge and mediator won't be able to replace it.
• It isn't in the almighty good fight with your spouse over your marital assets.
• It's not at a casino.
• It's not on a porn site.
• It's not really on Netflix®, Hulu®, Roku® or any other streaming service that keeps you on the couch for hours every day.
• It's seriously not on a social media platform, your phone, device, or internet site - if you overindulge.
• It's not in any addiction of any kind, EVER.
• It can't be found in any habit that interferes with a healthy, happy, and prosperous life (trust me, I looked, it's not there).

If you aren't really catching-on to the spin I've put on this article, let me slow it down and switch gears.

Find love and a better outlook!

• Love can be found in family and your willingness to support, share, and empathize rather than covet and demand.
• It's easily found in nature and the miracle of life witnessed any time of the day or night.
• It can be found in the power of forgiveness for which we can offer or receive with dignity and grace (or at least without smirks, agendas, or passive aggressive innuendos).
• Love can be found in dreams: dreams while we sleep, dreams of aspiration and hope, dreams of future betterment for ourselves, our family, and the world.
• Love can be felt in a profound acknowledgement that while life is not as it was, as it should be or as you and your family deserve, life is more valuable than anything else in the world, it cannot be bought, sold, or replaced while maintaining one's own existence.
• Love is in empathy which can supersede racism, sexism, bias, or discrimination of any kind.
• Love can be found in our right to self-identify, regardless of what is on our birth certificate to include sex, name, or biological parent's name.
• Love is in every difficult decision with good intention regardless of the immediate consequence or result. It is also in the recognition as such and forgiveness accordingly.
• Love is found in the fact that happiness is propagated through the kindness and happy spirit of others (this means a happy person can pass happiness and love to another without reducing his/her love or happiness and increase the power of love and joy individually and overall peace and happiness for all).
• Love and happiness can be self-generated (i.e., positive thoughts, dreams and activities that improve our mental and physical well-being).

Love facts

• Love can change people.
• If love was coveted as much as money, world peace would finally be achieved.
• Love is best recognized and confessed for today and tomorrow rather than what was, what could've been or what has been lost and not since found.

Love never lost.

Now, after all this, if you still wonder where to find love, remember, look within yourself and you will easily find it within others.  It may start with a smile, kindness, forgiveness, or belief that life is best lived with love and happiness as a foundation.  The key word here is "belief".

To our readers, every life on this planet and those no longer with us, we offer everlasting love and gratitude and Happy Valentines!

ourDMK.com

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