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It’s not uncommon for health experts to recommend staying active following a difficult time in your life.  

But, some of us feel emotionally paralyzed by the overwhelming changes associated with challenging times like divorce.  So, is it any wonder that while you may be told to keep active, you may actually feel like doing just the opposite? 

It may seem like your new life is moving in slow motion while the rest of the world is on hyperdrive?  Then, everyone tells you to stay active, get some exercise, eat right, stay positive and keep your life moving towards a healthier outlook. ..Oh, whatever! 

I'm not negative!  I'm just so freakin' exhausted, aggravated and frustrated!foot-in-mouth a positive way though, really!wink

When you have half as much as you did before the divorce like money, assets and time, but more responsibilities with home like laundry, cooking, cleaning, bills, budget and income, you get a little negative.  Then you either have no great house to be proud of anymore or a great house with a mortgage, lawn, maintenance and repairs!  Ya, after awhile, you get a little less like "Ya, I got this.", and a little more like, "Come on - seriously?".

You have no spouse for quality adult time, sex or end-of-workday venting.  Instead you work longer hours to pay for half as much.  The world is still moving faster, bills seem to come in sooner and everyone who seems happy in your life makes you sick!  Blah!

..ya it’s not just a run-on sentence it’s your life...sentence!  Or so it feels.  Well, know this.  You’re not the only one who feels a little less positive about all the positive encouragement.

When doing nothing is actually doing something

It's true.  Avoiding problems and glum feelings rarely helps.  But, when you can't seem to get out of second gear no matter how hard you try, taking your foot off the accelerator once-in-a-while relieves a great deal of stress on your engine.  This relief can be enough to encourage you to effectively analyze and deal with the situation in order to get you back on the road to a better life.  

It's okay to feel the way you do

When everyone tells you to just get out there and stay ahead of the game, DMK included, it's okay to just take a step back and take a break from your new pursuit to individual happiness.  It's okay if that isn't what you need at some stages of your divorce or post-divorce.  In fact, it's an important part of the process of letting go.

When life is too much and you're overworking, stessed out and sleep deprived, of course you're feeling like you’re moving in slow motion compared to all your happy-go-lucky advisors.  

Are they wrong?  No. Not really.  But, right now, today they aren’t right for you.  If Netflix® all day looks good to you, then, today my friend, binge away.   In fact, crochet, read or watch football and simply chill-out all day and night...and day and night and perhaps day and another night, long.  

Add some really crappy food during your binge time and let the world spin-on without you.  Give in to some harmless "nothingness", "thinkless", "actionless" time and just let that hyper world outside spin away...and away and away.

Operate on impulse power for a day, a week or a month if that’s what it takes.  Let your beard grow and braid your leg hair if you need to.  This isn’t about your appearance and it ain’t gonna be pretty.  So, let the laundry go and don’t be shy to grab your work clothes right out of the hamper...or off the darn floor.  

You’ll need an exit strategy (trust the experts, this is important)

Some rules.  With calculated plans, you’ll get through this hiatus with a few hypothetical bumps and bruises.  We don’t want you to flatline on work, kids and major health issues.  Just give yourself some much needed downtime.

Rule 1

Go to work.  Use personal days, vacation and sick days cautiously.  You need a break, not several months on the unemployment line.

Rule 2

This period of flying low means you won’t want to weigh yourself down with sad love songs, romance movies or crap that makes you feel worse and really crash and burn.  Keep your binge on something that keeps your mind off the stuff you’re going through that keeps you sad and worried all night.

Rule 3

Vent, cry, scream at nothing at all, as needed.  Just don’t let the negativity take over.  Keep your meltdowns to a minimum, but every once in awhile, let it out.  While you’re currently not trying to keep up with the super-together-awesome new you right now, realize it doesn’t mean you’re giving up when you let it all go once in awhile.

Rule 4

Know when to call this stage of your divorce over.  You’re an adult and don’t need anyone to tell you when the post-divorce couch womb is getting a little too close for comfort.  

You can visit if you really want over the coming years, but you’ll probably be over it and won’t find the value in staying longer than a day every once-in-awhile. 

Some parts of this experience may shape you to be a better person, someone who can relax and allow life to operate without you being so vested in it's every minute.  You’ll find the value in what you want to take from it, ready for what life zings at you with a healthy, social and active lifestyle. 

Rule 5

Ok. Are you ready? Get started. Now do absolutely nothing important.  Nice, right? How’s that for a little mind, body and spirit?


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