How do any of us ever make decisions that are free of influence and good for us?  Truthfully, we may not realize how the influence of our pop culture and peers really affect our lives.  In fact, trying to make sense of it may leave anyone feeling a little mixed-up.

The whole person

One of the advantages of DMK is that we focus on issues that affect those who are going through divorce instead of issues only regarding divorce. 

We recognize that we are not the only resource, friend or blog our readers go to for answers.   It may be confusing when one source says one thing and another something else.

This is a large reason DMK was created. We strive to offer guidance on multiple issues through a singular lens dedicated to those in the process of working on their marriage or considering, completing or getting past a divorce.

Multiple sources can be confusing

Regardless how good the advice or guidance you receive about a specific issue; consuming advice from multiple sources (e.g. friends, therapist, periodicals, internet) regarding some part of your life (e.g. health, family, faith, money) can be complicated to decipher.  Much of the advice many of us receive during a divorce is nontherapeutic and from sources that may or may not be reliable or considerate of your current life circumstances.

Some advice can contradict others, especially in a noninteractive format or in a therapeutic setting where such circumstances can't be conveyed and then considered in the advice.   It's difficult to decipher what advice to take, how it applies and to interpret it wisely. 

It's more than just advice

Confusing mixed messages are part of every aspect of our life.  They affect our decisions, opinions and actions.  Some messages can induce us to try, buy, eat or drink.

The power of suggestion

The term "advice" is also used loosely since much of what influences our actions, mood and decisions isn’t always advice as much as suggestion.  The power of these suggestions is strong. 

These suggestions come from advertisements, social media, on-line sites and apps.  In fact, digital media experts indicate the average person is exposed to between 4,000 and 10,000 ads in any given day.  Regardless if you remember what even 1% of those ads or “suggestions” were, the marketer has found a way to get their message into your head.  It’s big business that many companies dedicate millions of dollars from annual marketing budgets to do.

It’s called Brand Advertising

It's based on building recognition, awareness and trust, and it works.  But, when we say it works, we mean it mostly works for the advertisers.

Consumers like us, have millions of messages and suggestions that we are exposed to every year.  One of the most effective aspects of brand advertisement is that we may not realize just how much we are exposed to these suggestions and how much these suggestions affect our decisions.  At the end of the day we just feel like having a Coca-Cola® or Starbucks® Iced Mocha Frappuccino. 

Who knew?

Well, despite the news, likely most of us knew.  We may not have consciously thought about it.  But, it’s been affecting us and influencing our decisions. 

While the power of suggestion by marketers is a big player in our decision making, we still have more sources that affect our decisions.

This type of mind influencing is also a good representation of how much of our decision-making is based on the suggestions, opinions and bias of our peers and society.

Let us help you

Peer influences, counselors, physicians, financial advisors and multiple resources are ever chirping in your ear about what to eat, how to invest, what to avoid and what we need to do to find true happiness.

Let's get mixed up

Your health care provider is telling you to get to the gym and get that last 20lbs off.  Your financial advisor is suggesting you discontinue all excess spending, which happens to be your gym membership.  Your counselor is telling you to get your financial situation resolved in order to reduce your stress (and btw she also suggests you should get more exercise, maybe you should join a gym). Seriously?

At the end of the day spent with your doctor, counselor, financial advisor and 4,000 mixed messages you kinda’ just feel like sitting down at your local Starbucks® for a cup of coffee. 

Is that wrong?

Well, we have a suggestion. surprised Ok, really, seriously, we get it. wink

You still need answers

We're dedicated to being honest and realistic about the conflicts you face.  That’s why our site offers the whole picture of the day in the life...of you.  The girl or guy who has had way too much going on in his/her life.

You've had enough mixed messages.  But in tough times, you seek answers.  Answers about getting by with less money, less time and less one person you used to love.

So. Ya. We'll make a few suggestions of our own.  Take what you want and ignore the rest.  

We say, you can have that cup of coffee while surfing the internet, on your phone for things like the weather, latest fake news on social media and articles about why you should never wear open toed pumps past August (especially if you're a guy). 

It's fine to lose yourself for awhile during this tough time...

Moderation and self-confidence

Evaluate the "must haves" and differentiate them from the "comfortable habits turning into addictions". 

Example: Most of us who go through a divorce experience some financial setbacks.  It's important to find ways to save and take action to do so.  So if coffee is a "must have", keep it.   If it begins to become an everyday purchase, make some changes.

It's rumored they have these new fangled machines that brew coffee at home.  They call them "coffee machines" and most days they work fine and save you a fortune.  Starbucks® even sells brew at home coffee for these machines. Weird.  But true.

When you see how an innocent $5 habit a day can turn into an over $300,000 loss in your retirement, the idea of daily mocha's might make you feel worse. 

Maybe a comfort measure, like daily trips to a café immediately following your break-up, is a must have.  We understand, because most of us have been there, done that.  But, we also know how these "divorce traps" can cost you big.  Eventually, you need to make changes that need to be made to secure your future and happiness.   This takes courage, initiative and sometimes a quick kick in the a$# from your friends here at DMK.

You'll need to pull away from the powerful suggestions of peers, ads and comfy addictions and make the hard choices that positively influence your life and provide the self-confidence needed to see through the not so good, the bad and the just plain stupid that comes your way.

Take what works and ditch the rest

Know when something sounds too good to be true (like a guide on social media about how to train cuddly kittens to do housework, it's bogus). 

Don't spend too much time doing any one thing.  It's like a brainwashing.  This means not too much phone, social media, office, laptop, kids, friends, romance, exercise or anything. 

Too much of one source, even DMK and you begin to think, act and feel like one source. Your best chance at developing a stronger, smarter you is to consider your whole person (e.g. your experience, circumstances, goals) when taking advice or allowing others to affect your course of action.

Considering multiple sources provides a broader, well balanced perspective. You can get mixed-up regardless of what cloud your head is in.

Bring it on

Ironically, the way to avoid feeling mixed-up with multiple messages from multiple sources, isn't to limit your sources of information, advice or suggestions, but to remain open-minded with the sources you trust while expecting some advice doesn't apply to you or your life circumstances.  It improves your confidence and wisdom to consider multiple influencers without necessarily letting them entirely impact decisions.

Our goal is to be a most valued site you can rely upon with other trusted sources of information beneficial to you during this unique time in your life.

Regardless if these decisions affect where you live, what you do, what you want or even what kind of soda you drink.  Make the decisions your own, with the guidance of those you trust.

If your head is in a cloud all day, make it your cloud

Don't let multiple sources tie you up in a world of indecision.  Once you formulate your own opinion and develop what works for your lifestyle, career or family, stick by it.  Be open minded to improvements, but not easily swayed.  It will build self-confidence and the ability to manage mixed messages in your life so they don't manage you.


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