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DMK Hubby and Wifey University Quote: "By all means marry.  If you get a good wife you'll be happy.  If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher." -Socrates

Wife developing relationship with co-worker

Q. I am not the jealous type, but my wife has a co-worker who is totally overstepping a boundary.  He texts and calls at night and, on the weekends, about personal stuff.  He totally acts like he needs her help about his "girlfriend", but I doubt seriously he even has one.  One night he asked her to meet him somewhere for a drink.  She said no, but I feel like she was mad at me after she declined.  I know this type of guy and I totally feel like my wife doesn't see it because she is a very trusting person.  I feel like a jerk for telling her not to be friends with the guy, but I know he is not what he seems!

A. Experienced Wife Opinion

First, relax and give your wife credit for having enough sense to know when someone is hitting on her.  Your secondhand knowledge of their relationship may be way off from actual occurrences.  You need to trust in your wife to value the sanctity of your marriage regardless of any situation, pass or opportunity that presents itself.  So, even if she is missing the intentions of this guy, once they become apparent, she will set things straight with him.  The more you tell her not to have a friendship with him, the more it becomes a contest. As she continues with the friendship unobstructed, she will either see what you are seeing, or you will begin to see that he is not someone to worry about.

Deal with marriage problems that are between you and her only (such as poor communication, consideration, time spent together).  Sometimes the problem is more about the two of you, then the outside influences. 

A. Experienced Husband

It wouldn't be a bad idea to offer to double date with her friend and his girlfriend.  You will find out quickly if his girlfriend really exists.  If he makes excuses, change the time and day until the date is set.  Once you all meet, you may actually realize he's not a bad guy at all.  Either way, once he sees you and your wife together, the marriage is suddenly "real" and making a move on her would be harder.  

One true sign that he is what you think is when he discourages you to come along when they see each other outside of work.  If that happens a lot, it's usually a sign he doesn't just want a friendship.  This doesn't mean you need to supervise your wife and her friends, just know that if that happens (and you're not a jerk) then he may be someone worth worrying about.  

Finally, don't think your wife is "naïve", ever.  It's a bad move that will get you an irritated wife.  Trust me, from a guy who has been there, done that.


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