Two Funerals, Three Accidents and a Wedding
I met my husband, Paul in college. We were never really close then. In fact, we only knew of each other in some mutual classes. I never even knew he noticed me. We went on with our lives. He continued on to graduate school and I married someone I met a few years later. He, too eventually married and had a son.
First accident and a funeral
Over the years, we would run into each other every once in awhile, but rarely said hello. Then after both of us went through divorce we had the unfortunate chance meeting at a funeral. Ya. A funeral.
We both attended to show our respect to a friend whose mother passed unexpectedly from a car accident. Tragic and heartbreaking, the funeral drew hundreds of people. After the service, many of us congregated outside, he was among the group of friends there to support our friend and her family. Again, I didn't pay much attention to him, but later that evening we all went to a neighboring bar for a drink and some catching up.
Some of us were pretty upset over the situation since we were close to Ariadna's mom when we were in high school. She was one of those high energy, loud talking mom's who always had a smile on her face despite any problem. I remembered how bad we all felt when her husband left her for some lady he met at a sales seminar. But through it all, she never spoke poorly of the jerk. She always had such a positive attitude. I remember thinking that maybe she didn't understand and even asked her why she wasn't furious with him. I was assured she understood and his poor choice in women was his human failing, but wouldn't let it bring her down.
She was always the person I would think to inspire me when I felt so bad while going through my own divorce. Naturally, her death affected me and many others.
Sad, drunk and sent home
The night of the funeral all I could think is how life was so entirely unfair to take someone who was so great and why mean people rarely die in car accidents? Cynical I know, but I was not exactly feeling good spirited that evening.
It was that night after I had entirely too much to drink that Paul and I actually talked for the first time. I'm not sure all that we talked about, but I'm pretty sure most of it was along the same cynical lines mixed with a lota' Patron®. Somehow, he got me an Uber® and he my phone number. The next day he called like most decent gentlemen would, to check on me. Not sure how bad I had been the night before I avoided the call. Then, after a week or so later, he called again and I answered.
A simple wedding
As you can imagine, this story took many stops and turns that ended in a great relationship and eventual marriage. Both in our fifties, we both knew the value of money vs. a fancy wedding, so our wedding was pretty basic. We invited 50 guests to a local wedding hall and had a good friend cater it. It was simple but pretty nice.
As years passed, I had thought my life had suddenly gone right. I met a wonderful man who was gonna make me very happy. Little did I know, that he had never stopped seeing his ex wife behind my back. Sadly, here is how I found out.
Second accident and funeral
I was at a funeral of a former colleague who died in a car accident. It was all very sad. Again, drawing a tremendous amount of family and friends, his former wife being one of them, we were all emotional. By happenstance we were in the vestibule in the church when his ex came into view. I don't know what it was, but once I saw them catch each other's eye, I knew. Call it, a woman's intuition or paranoia (he the latter for about a month before he fessed up), I just knew.
Third accident and an ex wife
Here is where it get's weird. While working through the infidelity with a counselor, his ex wife had a serious car accident. Of course, she didn't die, ehm. I mean, thankfully. But, after months of heartbreak and finally forgiving him, he left me. He said it was a sign that she needed him and that he too needed her. Now, they both live happily ever after in an oversized Victorian minutes from our old condo. The home and his wife are nothing like me. In some ways that made it easier, some ways much harder on my self esteem.
It's been a cool 14 months since he left. I can't say I'm too terribly broken hearted anymore since I'm glad I didn't waste more than a few more years with another wrong man. I've learned so much more about marriage, divorce, relationships and people in that short time than I did being married to my first husband for 18 years. The whole thing can make a person wanna give up on dating or relationships altogether.
Still inspired and much better off
But, what I did realize is that Ariadna's mom still inspires me. Of course I thought about how she would have handled the whole love triangle thing I was caught up in. And without a doubt, with a smile on her face, she would tell me, " Honey, he was only a man... drawn to lust and desire instead of love. In his time, he will be judged by a greater force than I." And while, I agree with every word she said, I decided my ex louse needed to be judged early, so I took half of his retirement account in the divorce. As greedy as it sounds, he had plenty to go around and now he has his first wife's settlement back that he parted with in his first divorce, so I don't feel so bad.
One thing for sure, I'm going to take my time before I get back out there and when I do, I won't be meeting any new men at funerals.
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