Dear Honey Wexler,

My wife and I separated several months ago following a brief encounter I had with someone at work.  We have discussed divorce, but neither of us have hired an attorney. I have been understanding that she needs time to deal with her anger over the situation but I feel like she isn't really doing anything to make serious changes that would benefit our relationship.  

When I try to talk to her about ending our separation so that our family can be together again she immediately get's upset and behaves irrationally.  I know what I did is wrong, but I feel that the way she deals with it is worse.  What can I do to get my wife to seek counseling in order to help her work this mess out with me instead of treating me like a terrible guy?



Thanks for your honesty.  It sounds like your wife may have other reasons for her behavior than just what happened with your co-worker.  It might be time to think about your own behavior along with hers.  Since I have limited information about your relationship, some ideas might be: passive aggressive behavior, expectations for reconciling too soon following the incident and perhaps her suspicion of other encounters.  There could be many reasons for her emotional reactions and some of it may indeed reflect her own personal issues.  However, unless your spouse was emotionally unraveled with you on a consistent basis before the incident, it is likely a result of recent incidents perhaps in combination with other issues she has failed to discuss.  

It sounds like you both may have a better opportunity to solve this problem by attending mutual and individual counseling.  It would allow a professional therapist to help you each cope with your feelings as well as work together to decide if the marriage can be saved or if legal separtion and divorce would be a better option.

Good Luck!

Honey Wexler

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